In a cup of Tea
by Shelly Quills Webster
Summary: Folken no longer wishes to live. He cannot see a life with this job, or any reason to get a different job. Could the development of a new friendship open his eyes once more? Perhaps he will find his answer in a cup of tea. Series-based. Slash.
1. Teatime Philosophy and Renewed Pondering

"In a cup of Tea"

by Shelly Webster and Arsen Dalavaccio

Summary: Folken no longer wishes to live. He cannot see a life with this job, or any reason to get a different job. Could the development of a new friendship open his eyes once more? Series-based. AU. Slash.

Disclaimer: Neither Shelly Webster, Arsen Dalavaccio, the Folken in Arsen's head, nor the Sei in Shelly's head own Escaflowne.

A/N: Thank you ever so much to my precious biscuit for writing this with me and letting me always be right! Nevermind that I always am right, no matter what. This is not a companion piece to Determined Protector, but it is the same doctor and a similar universe, so reading it will help with understanding this. Or read the RPG threads at Fate's Toy. Thanks also to the lovely D for betawork.

Chapter 1

Tea-time Philosophy and Renewed Ponderings

"Strange logic, Sei."

Folken sat at the doctor's table, trying to understand this foreign man once more.

"No stranger than yours."

"True."

This exchange seemed nearly a ritual, it was repeated so often in their conversations.

Dr. Sei Erimentha did not know why the young man came, but so long as it was not disturbing his in-patient, Dilandau Albatou, he enjoyed the quiet conversation. Not everyone questioned his thinking so much, or really talked to him at all. The soldiers aboard the Vione were not exactly fond of medical personnel.

"Would you care if I made some tea?"

Folken's first visit to the infirmary was routine – a check on Dilandau when he was first sent there for the furrow Van's sword left in his cheek.

The physician's blatant concern for his patient instead of the cold professionalism that pervaded Zaibach's culture particularly in the military intrigued the distant Strategos. He puzzled over why the man should care, especially for such an unpleasant patient.

He returned.

The doctor offered tea on the first visit. Folken rapidly discovered that the unfamiliar brew was the best beverage he had ever been served.

Sei's tea was an old family secret. He shared the recipe with no one, and never even let anyone take the tea from his chambers within the infirmary.

The Draconian was displeased with some of Sei's opinions, but he returned, asking for a cup of tea and a bit of conversation. He did not always receive tea, but he was given glimpses of how the doctor thought. It was difficult to tell which he considered the greater gift.

Slowly they had progressed to informal address. They dropped titles when speaking in privacy. Folken would point out how old Sei was, or Sei would remark on how many pranks were pulled on the Strategos. It was a friendship, of sorts, though an odd one.

Dilandau still hated Folken, so they met when the youth slept or was otherwise absent from the infirmary. He was being held in the infirmary partly because of the mutual fondness the doctor and commander had found, and partly because Sei was so concerned about how Dilandau might act if given too much time alone.

When Dilandau slept, they met in quarantine, at the back of the infirmary.

On this occasion, he was instead polishing his Alseides, trusting no one else near the 'melef.

Folken had made tea from Sei's blend once in the past. It was not so good as when Sei made it, but today he did not feel like troubling with it, so Folken tried once more.

Folken poured the tea and Sei sipped the inferior beverage.

Folken pulled a book out from his toga and began to read it. He was not in the mood to talk.

"What are you reading?"

Folken showed Sei the title: _A Brief Look at Philosophy, volume 10._

"Any good?"

Folken didn't have a smile on his face, but he felt one inside. He had written the 35-volume set, though Sei apparently did not know this.

"Quite." He then went into a long-winded, almost unintelligible commentary on the philosophical theories he found most correct, and some he found inaccurate.

Sei tried to follow, finally asking if Folken agreed with what he spoke of. Philosophy had never really been his own field of study.

"Some of it, yes." Philosophy evolves, as most things do. Some of Folken's views had changed since he wrote the text, though not many.

"Ah." Brief, but at least Sei could follow what he was saying now.

Folken sipped his tea.

"What do you think...?"

Sei was puzzled by the question.

"I mean, what are some of your philosophies?"

He had never given this much thought, at least, not worded that way.

He said as much, finally adding one of his stronger thoughts and feelings. "We live the best we can, and what else can we do?"

The physician was unsure if this was a philosophy, but it was a truth of his life. Perhaps even _the_ truth of his life.

The Strategos seemed to disagree.

"We must actively pursue our best though. If we didn't, we would most likely slip into that horrid state in which we do not accomplish anything."

"Perhaps when one feels nothing is accomplished, one just cannot see what is happening." Sei knew that there are many views, though he did not always accept what the others seemed to say.

"Perhaps. And perhaps, contrary to what everyone seems to think, a person can actually be right about what he or she sees." Folken was frustrated by the constant opposition from the doctor.

"No one can see everything perfectly." He spoke of both himself and of his younger colleague.

"No, but sometimes we see well enough for what we need." _We see what we need. He has no right to try to change this._

"And sometimes we blind ourselves to believe that."

"Yes."

Folken sipped his tea and flipped a page in the book. He suddenly shut it and laid it down.

"Do you ever play chess, Sei?"

"I'm quite a bit rusty at it." Sei neglected to mention that he was extremely talented at it when he had played.

"That's alright. I'll go easy on you." Folken took a small chessboard and box of pieces from a deep pocket of his attire.

"That wouldn't be right." Sei knew that chess, as most games, lost the fun when one did not play earnestly.

"Very well. I shall be ruthless." He paused. "How is that?"

Having never seen Folken play chess and going so long without playing himself, Sei had no idea how the game would go. After all, one does not become the Strategos of any country by haphazard planning.

"Better than going easy on me." he answered at last.

Folken smirked. Chess was his forte and always had been.

"Which color would you like, red or white?" Red for aggression, passion. White; calm, harmony.

"It doesn't matter." Sei never preferred one over the other. His skill came from within.

"Very well."

Folken took the white set and left the red for his opponent. Sei set up his pieces, looking at the set as he did so.

"This is a very fine set you have."

"Thank you. I made it myself."

"Really? How did you find that talent?" Sei had never had a knack for anything artistic, despite his freer nature.

"When I was apprenticed to a sorcerer here, I had plenty of time to do nothing. So I studied sculpting and carving."

"Ah." It seemed an unusual combination of activitites. "Why did you study sorcery?"

After a moment's delay, Folken answered. His sorcerer days were not something he readily spoke of. "To help others."

He moved a pawn one pace.

The game had begun.

Sei looked the board over. After some hesitation, he moved a pawn.

"Why did you give it up?" While everyone knew that Folken had resigned, it was never spoken of. It was a subject even more taboo than Dilandau's past.

"It became too much for me. I do love science, but I...well, I just don't have the heart for some of the things it is capable of."

Sei smiled sadly. "I know what you mean...It was so hard, being told that I have to let some patients die..." Hard enough that he had nearly given up medicine, despite his skill and his love for it.

Folken glowered. "That is not what I meant." He moved another piece.

"It is still a hard life."

"Yes, I can imagine." All lives are hard, as Folken had learned by now.

Sei studied the board before shifting his queen.

"I wanted to study plants. That's really all I planned on doing, if it would have worked out."

"I never pictured you the plant type." Sei was fond of nature, but Folken was always so cold that it made as much sense to him as Dilandau hugging Van Fanel.

"I love nature. And plants do offer quite a few things, such as medicine. And tea." Folken sipped his tea.

Sei smiled.

"No one appreciates that here, and I see that the sciences have advanced us far enough that we don't really need that sort of knowledge on Gaea anymore."

"That is where you are wrong. My best cures are herbal, not medicinal."

"I...don't cure anyone. I never did." This knowledge made him feel almost a waste of life. All he ever tried to do was help, but it never seemed to save anyone, let alone save himself.

"So you decided medicine has no value?"

"Oh, some does have a measure of usefulness."

"Such as?" Sei was curious what would be deemed desirable by the hollow man.

Folken sipped his tea, causing a dramatic delay. "Sedatives." He smirked.

Sei frowned. "They are not healthy."

"Maybe not. But they do come in handy quite a bit."

"They would not be necessary if sorcerers did not always meddle."

"They 'meddle' for the greater good. And it is your turn."

"I see no good and I've been awaiting your move."

"I did move..."

"When?" His tone displayed his knowledge that this was not the case.

Folken returned his focus to the game, moving the queen.

Sei frowned, several deep wrinkles appearing in his forehead. He moved his queen once more.

Folken moved a pawn.

Sei used a bishop to counter any possible risk to his pieces.

One of Folken's knights took action.

Sei shifted a knight of his own.

Folken moved his queen.

"I thought you said you were rusty."

"I haven't played in years; I still do remember the rules."

"Yes, it always comes back to you."

"That it does," he replied with a sigh. "I played this with my brother." Lauralion had been so fascinated with battle, even when it was only on a chessboard.

"You care a great deal for your brother."

"And you do for yours as well," he challenged.

"Very much, yes." Folken smiled wistfully. He missed Van.

"At least you might see yours again..." Sei said softly, missing his own brother. Lauralion's love of battle had been his downfall.

"I should hope so, but it isn't likely."

"Why not?" If he so clearly missed his brother, and they both lived, it was only right that they should meet again.

"Loyalty is an important thing to Zaibach." He scowled. "How loyal would I appear to be by consorting with Fanelian royalty?"

"You would only be acting with loyalty."

"Acting? As in I have no loyalty to Zaibach?" Sei's words confused him; he always worded things so differently from the others Folken might speak with. That combined with his own secret thoughts and longings put Folken on the defensive.

Sei shook his head. "Your actions, interacting with your brother, are another loyalty. After all, if one betrays family, what will one be loyal to?"

"I don't have much in the way of family. I'm sure Van hardly remembers me."

"Just like I hardly remember my brother after over 30 years?"

"Touché." Sei had him there. "He wouldn't know me now though."

"But you're still his brother; that means a lot, especially to the younger sibling."

"Yes." His brother meant a lot; couldn't Sei see that his work in Zaibach would ultimately help Van? "And if I hadn't betrayed him, I would have gone back."

"How did you betray him before leaving?" As the medic saw it, the betrayal was leaving.

"I lost."

"Lost?" Sei knew little of Fanelia, so had no inkling of what Folken spoke.

"I lost in a ritual to become king." He paused, moving his mechanical hand slightly. "That is how I happened to lose my arm, if you ever wondered."

"Ah. And so you left because he would have to be king? You didn't even stay to offer your knowledge to him?" _He never seemed that cold to me, where his brother is concerned._

"I left because I couldn't go back. I nearly died. Emperor Dornkirk saved my life. I couldn't just abandon him." Folken was very displeased to have his actions of years before questioned like this. It did no good wondering once more what might have been. It only woke more pain.

"And you couldn't find a different way to show your gratitude? Just blind servitude?"

"It was not blind servitude. His ideals make sense. That was why I didn't go back. Van will be better off once Zaibach accomplishes its goals."

"Which include killing him? It might not always have been blind, but your service now is. And theories tend to work better in theory than in practice."

Folken stared. Since he had come to Zaibach, he had never known anyone to question Dornkirk like this, particularly once he became Strategos.

"So you don't believe in any of Zaibach's ideals?" _Why is he serving Zaibach if the nation and its goals mean nothing to him?_

Sei didn't want to get into specifics at the moment, so he merely replied, "I do not believe they will succeed quite as well as the Emperor expects them to."

"Interesting." Folken took a long drink of his tea, savoring it and contemplating Sei's words.

"And have you no such thoughts?" Sei knew that Folken was very intelligent and clearly prone to deep thought. Such thoughts must have crossed his mind at least once.

"No." The endless questions were becoming frustrating. "I told you, his ideas make sense."

"Loyal to a fault. How quaint. It might be a greater help to him if he saw more of the world instead of only himself and his ideas. He relies too much on science."

"Science is something that truly measures progress." Sei's words were grating against his nerves. Again.

"And your plants? He sees none of them. He would destroy them." The whole world becoming a sterile laboratory was such a scary, empty vision that Sei suppressed a shudder.

Folken said nothing for a long moment. Finally, he spoke again. "He does listen to me." He was trying to convince himself, now that Sei stirred these old, buried doubts in him.

Sei was clearly not going to allow him any such reassurance, immediately asking, "But what do you tell him?"

"What I need to." This was true, but was too close to admitting Sei was right, so Folken added, "We both believe in the same thing."

"Do you tell him anything about your other ideals, or just the hope for peace?"

The Strategos was startled. "My other ideals? What do you mean?" This doctor knew too much about him. It was not comforting.

"That's for you to know, when you cease blinding yourself." The medical man shifted a piece on the board. "Checkmate."

Folken stared at the board, surprised. He never loses. At anything. "Interesting."

"Ah?"

"You've found a way to distract me into losing. Very hard to accomplish, you know."

Sei smiled. "Was it distraction or skill?"

"Perhaps it was skill."

Sei's words softened in fond recollection. "I always did beat Lauraelion."

"Who?" Folken asked the question before he could stop himself.

"My brother..." Sei's stroll down memory lane was turning sour, recalling how his brother had died.

Folken left him in peace, staring down at the chessboard, trying to determine how his defeat had come about.

Sei remembered the letter that had come, stating very coldly that soldier 523M85 was deceased.

Sei's opponent spoke again, mercifully pushing away the recollections. "I rarely, if ever, am defeated in this game, that's all."

"You are a challenge, in many ways." Sei spoke of more than just playing chess, obviously. When Folken smirked, he added a more significant remark. "But worthy."

Folken's head bowed slightly in acknowledgement. "You are a worthy opponent as well. Which is why I will put up with you and your ideas about my 'blind faith.'"

"So must we always be opponents then?" Sei was saddened by this. Someone so intelligent and enjoyable to spend time with, but never to be anything akin to a friend.

Folken indicated this was the case. "Because we have different motivations driving us. But a good fighter always appreciates another, even if he must kill him."

Sei decided to start another small verbal battle, challenging this idea. "Or teach him a new manner of fighting."

"Perhaps. If he has the time." Folken then made a slight jab at Sei. "Some fighters are just stubborn, though."

Sei smiled. Folken was far more stubborn than he, from what he saw. "For the right opponent, one ought to make time; stubbornness does not always last." That was his driving hope in some conversations with Folken.

Folken agreed, for once. "Everyone gives in eventually."

"Perhaps."

The Strategos took another sip of the tea. "Sei, I know what you're up to. You don't agree with Zaibach's goals. And you'd like me to change my mind."

"I would like to see that you can still think for yourself." He paused, needed to get the words of his explanation right. "I don't disagree with Zaibach: I see flaws though."

"But does not the jeweler try to remove the flaws and improve them?"

"What could possibly make you think I don't think for myself?" Sei could be so aggravating...Where did he even get these ideas?

"I see you, so clearly intelligent, but you are empty. You have no real hopes anymore. You're not real anymore, so you can't think."

It cut the younger man deeply, to have the truth spelled out so. He sighed, downing his whole cup of tea and pouring more. "And what about you? Why the hell are you here if you see such flaws?" He was a bit miffed.

Sei answered honestly, though he doubted Folken would approve of his answers. "Because of my brother and because I do have hope. Hope that someone who has the power will try to find them and fix them."

"You hope for your brother..." Folken moved on, not liking thoughts of brothers. "Well, you know what, Sei? I am flawed. I am extremely flawed and I realize this. And maybe I am here because I lost all hopes to begin with." He sipped at his tea, angrily brooding.

"What do you think brought me off the field? I started medicine as an eager field medic, but I lost so many...every time it was like killing my brother. I lost the hope, and transferred to the airships." Sei had almost given up medicine entirely. He had almost given up everything, but he couldn't.

Folken shut his eyes, but he could not shut out the physician's words.

Sei continued, "But I let myself find my hope again. I had to."

Folken felt the doctor was implying far more than he said, still hung up on the comment concerning killing his brother. He did not hear Sei mention finding hope once more. "I did not do this to my brother!"

Sei only had one question for the Strategos about this. "Then why are you getting so worked up about it?"

Folken rubbed his forehead against his hand. "Because you're trying to drive me insane..."

"Is that what you really think?" Sei didn't notice his habit of asking so many questions of everyone.

"I don't know," Folken ground out, "Why don't you tell me?" He was seething.

"That is not my job." Sei knew Folken wouldn't be able to really understand his words unless some of the ideas behind them came from Folken's own mind at some point.

"Yes, but you've been telling me that you see what I do and do not really think and that I do not think at all, so I would think you'd know this as well."

"If I tell you everything, what have I accomplished?"

"Nothing." He was a little vindictive with that answer.

"That is my point. You have to find some answers for yourself." _Perhaps then he will accept them as truth._

He stared down at the cup of tea. "I already found my answers. A long time ago." _The day the weaker half of me died._

"Perhaps they have changed. Many do with time."

Folken knew that his philosophies had changed in recent years. Now he was having to face just how much they had changed.

Sei was going to stop with his words on change, but he had to try for a real reaction from the sad young man. He softly added, "But you're too afraid..."

"Afraid of what?" His look had changed to one of great anger.

"Change. Losing a chance..." The doctor's voice trailed off, as he realized he wasn't sure what other fears the man held.

Folken was no longer feeling or acting like his usual self. "A chance...?"

"Yes...I'm not sure what for, exactly, but it has a lot to do with your brother. What are you trying to prove to him?"

"I have nothing to prove to him. And I did not abandon him with nothing."

"Just a country to rule and no family to support him."

"Balgus is a wonderful teacher. He will have taught Van anything he needed to know. What good would it have done for me to stay around, Sei?"

"What harm would it have done?"

"I failed. I failed and therefore I would not be a good teacher for him."

"You would succeed because you had failed."

Folken blinked, trying to make sense of the statement. "How the hell does that logic work?"

"You know some of what might make him fail; you would be able to warn him."

"Fine. I could have. Satisfied?" After a pause too short for the other man to reply, he continued, "But it won't change anything now."

"It won't, or you won't let it? No wonder I beat you."

Folken glowered, saying nothing. He would have left, but he didn't really want to, having nowhere else to go at this time. He spoke again once his cup was nearer to being empty. "It won't change anything. I have too much important work to do here and if I tried to go back, I'd most likely be executed anyway."

"What's so important here? Once you die, he'll want to know what you found so much more important than your family."

Folken shot a death glare at Sei. "I think peace on Gaea deserves just a _little_ bit of attention."

"And I think that you just want to die! That's what's killing you, isn't it? You just no longer have the will to live." Sei hadn't intended to have an outburst like this, but he knew this was going on, and he wasn't able to let himself watch anyone lay down and die willingly, let alone someone who had such potential wasting away inside. If he did that, he might as well have run a sword through his brother in cold blood.

Folken grit his teeth. If Dilandau were telling him things like this, he'd be in a bodycast by now...not that Dilandau would notice something like this. "Why are you telling me this?"

"You didn't think I could tell, did you?"

Folken gave no answer. Perhaps if he neither admitted nor denied it, the doctor would move on eventually...he had to be stabbing in the dark.

"I'm a doctor. We learn to recognize it." _The worst part of this job, knowing what death looks like..._

"Going to put me on report now? A suicide watch, perhaps?"

"It wouldn't do any good, would it? It's beyond just that, isn't it?"

"What do you mean?" He picked up the cup of tea and held it, just staring at it.

"You're not fully human. You've got different biorhythms and biological requirements."

Folken didn't want to concentrate on Sei at all.

"Yes? So?"

"Have you been feeling different or looking different lately, as best you can tell?"

Folken gave him an odd look. "Why?"

"I might be mistaken. Just answer the question."

"I don't care to." Folken had never been one to put faith, or his health, in the hands of the Zaibach healthcare program. He did not intend to start now.

"Or are afraid to." Sei felt that fear was something which almost made Folken, it was so clearly a hidden part of who he was. "If the rumors are true, you're Draconian, right?"

"Yes I am." Folken's words concerned the latter remark of the doctor, but they were true for the first as well. He gripped his teacup, not wanting to hear what the doctor would say.

"In medical school we had to find examples of how other species differ from humans when it comes to health. Draconians, because of their relation to Gaea, need a will to live. They deteriorate and die otherwise. If I recall, you might have some minor blackouts and weakness early in; wings darkening to black..."

Folken didn't want Sei knowing anything about his medical issues. He closed his eyes. "Yes, I do believe I recall hearing about that." He gripped the cup even tighter.

"It has begun, hasn't it?" Sei's question was even sadder than anything else he had been saying. He knew it was begun, but there was little he could do.

Folken dropped the cup. It fell to the floor, smashing into pieces.

Sei took his hand. "It doesn't have to go this way, you know?" _Everyone that begins to matter I lose._ This was the worst part of being a doctor.

Folken took his hand away from Sei. "Yes it does." Seeing as he had no will to live, there really wasn't any reason he should want to prolong the process of living.

"I do not wish to lose another person I have any caring for."

"Do not bother caring about me then." To Folken, it was as simple as that. Sei ought have that much control, as he always tried for that level of control in himself.

"I can't save you if you don't decide you want to go on living. But it's already too late for not caring. You sought me out."

"I only wanted to discuss things. On a colleague level, not personally. Stick to caring about Dilandau."

"Does it bother you that I care for him?"

"...No." Folken lied. He was not yet ready to admit even to himself that he wanted anyone to care about him.

"You keep coming back, even when you have nothing to say."

"That's because I'm just a tad bit bored."

"Or part of you hasn't given up yet."

"And which part would you think that is?"

"The one you pretend you never had; the one that cares about people as individuals; the one that thinks freely and looks for beauty instead of order. The part that made you give up sorcery."

Folken looked away at the mention of sorcery.

Sei saw this. To him, it was evidence enough that the part of Folken he was so hopeful for was not yet ready to give up completely.

"You're wrong. I don't pretend I never had that part."

"Oh?"

"That part of me is dead now."

"You haven't killed it yet or you would already be dead."

"I can't do my job and feel that way anymore."

"Find a new job; change your job. It's not worth dying for."

"This one is important. And it is worth dying for."

"Not that way." _Soldiers die for peace, I know, but that's part of their job description – a Strategos does not begin his career expecting a risk to his own life._

Folken closed his eyes. The doctor was so stubborn in his views, views that too often were black and white.

"It could still be an important job even if it were different."

"And what other sort of job do you have in mind?"

"One that doesn't crush your soul..."

"I already left a job like that. I'm fine with this one."

"Says the man who is dying..." Sei was not one prone to pointing out ironies, so he changed his point. "You're what, maybe half my age? You are not supposed to die yet."

"Damn, you're old." Folken was trying to lighten the mood.

"You try to be much older..." It hadn't worked.

"Dilandau is almost half my age and he will most likely die as well. As will many of the soldiers."

"Doing what he loves...They will at least not be giving up." _Though I still will not feel at ease about such deaths..._

"It is not always cowardice to give up."

"When it involves death it is."

Folken sighed and rose from the table. "This has been a lovely conversation. But I really do think it should end.."

"And will I see you again?"

"Perhaps." Folken smirked. "Unless you think I'll be hanging myself with a harpsichord wire before the next time we meet."

"I meant, have I caused you to no longer wish to see me?"

"Of course not. Your arguments interest me, even if they do grate against my nerves." He laughed, "And I wouldn't want to deprive you of the chance to attempt to persuade me to your way of thinking. You really are amusing when you think you're right." Folken was attempting to regain his nearly impenetrable air of "I know everything. Ha."

"Ah. Because of course the young one must always be right..."

"But according to you, I am old at heart." He straightened his cloak. "I'll be off now."

"Old and dead is what you are. The dead know nothing."

"The dead don't care."

"Nor do you. Goodnight, Folken."

"Goodnight, Sei. Pleasant dreams." It was the least Folken could wish him, for a part of him felt happy yet sorrowed that this man could still dream.


	2. The Indifference of Ghosts

"In a cup of Tea"

by Shelly Webster and Arsen Dalavaccio

Disclaimer: We don't own Escaflowne. If we did, Sei would actually be in the series and Folken might at some point decide to be a nudist...hey, we can dream!

A/N: This story is so fun for us to write...We've both had nights where we thought about it and couldn't sleep. And nights where we stayed up to ungodly hours to write on it together. In fact, we might even have a sequel in mind already...Oh no. I am going straight to hell...I forgot to thank my D for her beta-work in the last chapter. Uh, yeah. I shortened the name because it felt off to me.

Shout-outs:

Sakura Shinguji-Albatou: Woo! Someone left a review! Everyone loves Sei. Apparently he's canon. Heh. Just in the never shown but had to be there way (like the other DS or something). Somehow I think in asking for more you will get more than you asked for. cough We are working on it very slowly, but you'll see...

Threshie: We passed! And before long, as in by the 7th chapter, you will see as we do. Fate! Fate!

Chapter 2

The Indifference of Ghosts

"Here, drink this." Sei handed the Strategos a cup of his tea, having noticed as soon as he walked through the door that he was not his usual self.

"Thank you." After sipping the tea, Folken sighed.

"What troubles you?"

"Our talk from yesterday." Indeed, the words had haunted him worse than any ghost of the past.

"I am sorry if I spoke out of turn."

Folken's head was bowed. He stared up at Sei, only moving his eyes. "No. Not at all."

"What can I say to help?" The change in the young man was distressing to say the least.

"I don't know." Folken sipped his tea, looking as though he was concentrating intensely upon something. He didn't look as if he had slept at all the night before. He was so broken...

"Why are you letting yourself die when you clearly want more?"

"What is it that you think I want?" Folken sighed frustratedly. "Sometimes we cannot have what we wish to. More often than not, actually."

"Sometimes we do not have what we need."

"Self-denial?" He gave a short, unpleasant laugh.

"I don't know what you want; all I know is your death helps no one." Sei understood that death was a natural part of life, but he couldn't bear the thought that it might come so early to some, before their lives were complete.

"You think I'm starving myself of the things I need emotionally?"

"You deny yourself everything. Only recently you began allowing yourself tea and my company. Before that, nothing." Sei had picked up enough from Folken's words over their time together to know this was true. The quiet man read and worked and little else.

"I really do not have much, Sei. Had I known you before, I might have come to visit. Have you honestly talked with any of the other people here?" After a pause, he added, "I know you've talked with Dilandau." There may have been something off about Folken's tone when he brought up the albino commander, but Sei brushed this thought away.

"Not many beyond him."

"And have you seen how he is?"

Broken and war-driven. Lost. "Yes. Are there many like him?" Sei's heart lurched at the mere thought of there being so many as deeply hurt.

"No. In ways, yes. But for the most part, no. In his blindness and confusion, everyone here seems to be that way."

"Everyone here is alone. And lonely. Why do they – we – think we must all remain so lonely when we need not be alone?"

"Because it is human nature to be lonely."

"It's human nature to love and be loved." Though Sei himself never found romantic love and never expected to, he had seen enough love of that sort and others to know that it exists.

"Perhaps then, it should be understandable why I am the way I am. I am not human."

"Just because you don't want to be human doesn't mean you aren't human."

"I'm not." It was a fact few people seemed to overlook, but the doctor had.

"You're half human. And you are a feeling, thinking person."

"Yes."

Sei sipped his tea. He wasn't sure what to say to Folken.

Folken was thoughtful as he spoke again. "Perhaps it would be better, then, not to have that half."

"Only someone truly afraid of his own nature would think that."

Folken said nothing to that for a long while. Finally he spoke. "You do not understand fear."

"Neither do you. No one can. All one can do is feel it." Sei knew the Strategos would try to disagree, but he knew also that the younger man was less wise than Folken thought.

"I understand it. I control it and channel it, the same as anger."

"You might think so, but you're wrong."

"Am I?" Folken laughed harshly, looking at the table sadly.

Sei frowned, shaking his head sadly. "You are. Control is the most dangerous thing in the world, because it is so easy to lose."

Folken was silent, thinking. He looked up. His cup of tea was empty. "Could I have some more tea?" He looked back down at table.

"Why should I let you have tea?"

"No reason." This was said quietly, truthfully. Folken knew that he was not doing anything worthwhile with his life, despite his efforts. He deserved no reward. With how he had treated Sei and Dilandau, he would not blame Sei if he were never given any tea.

Sei poured Folken a fresh cup of tea. The steam curled above it slowly and mysteriously, before melting into the air as though it was never there. He set the teapot on the table with them, his way of signaling that Folken was welcome to more as he chose.

The usually emotionless man took it gladly, sipping away.

"Do you know why I let you have this tea?" Sei wasn't sure why he was bothering to ask, but he did wish to teach this man before he would die.

"No." He hadn't cared, so long as he got some. The drink was almost addictive to the Strategos, the only peace he had found in years of searching for something which had a feel of meaning to it.

"Because people should be compassionate. You looked like you needed tea, instead of just wanting it."

The light-haired man smiled a partial, desperate smile. His voice had lost its usual calm, cool collectedness. "I'm close to losing it, you think?"

"I don't know. I just know that you needed tea and someone to drink it with you." _And that you have been alone for far too long._

Folken nodded, drinking some more. Folken was very happy to be getting more tea. He liked this idea of compassion after all. After every few sips, he sighed.

Sei looked at him curiously and somewhat concerned. "What is it?"

Shutting his eyes, Folken slowly gave an answer. "...nothing." He drank more. "I shouldn't say anything."

"Why not?"

The young man bowed his head. "I don't like talking. I don't feel like doing this..." But he couldn't stop himself from speaking. Not anymore. The broken, dying man had held his tongue for far too long to continue to do so.

"What's wrong with talking?"

Folken drank more tea, trying to avoid the question. "I can't talk. I've got too much I must know to let you tell me what you think of it." He had no idea that this explanation probably made no sense.

"I can't change you. Only you can do that. Talking is not harmful. Does it frighten you to tell others about anything that might be part of you?"

The quiet, apparently cold man turned away from him.

Sei sipped his tea, waiting for an answer.

"I am not afraid. I fear nothing. I lost everything long ago. What does someone have to fear when they don't have any of their old trappings? We haven't won a new world yet. I can't lose something I haven't gained. What could I possibly be afraid of?" For once, Folken sounded slightly unsure of his question himself.

Sei managed to find an answer to this question. "That you did lose everything, and gained nothing. That you hurt people even though you cared about them."

"I care about everyone. I can't let my personal feelings get in the way of that. I...can't save those I love." He sighed. "I can't save Van..." He sighed once more, very heavily.

"No one can save everyone they love all the time. But we still have to try. What do you need to save him from?"

"This mess." _War; life..._

"If he's like most people, he doesn't want to be saved. He just wants someone there to bear the trouble with him."

"I..." He sometimes wished he could be saved. But the accursed Draconian remained broken and tarnished, certain he was beyond saving. "All of them, struggling so much with themselves. It seems such an unnecessary waste. I would like to help them unravel their troubles, if they would let me. But they can't let go. They won't let go." He sighed and sipped his tea.

"Mayhap they need to unravel them for themselves." _When others do the unraveling, people deny what they see. _Sei's thoughts related to his situation with Folken at present.

"But they don't. That's why I want to help them, if only to simply let them see what they must unravel."

"They might not want to, but in the end they'll have to."

"Exactly." He sipped more tea, staring straight ahead. "Glad you see my point."

"That's not what I was saying. They don't all need your help. Some might, but you can't expect everyone to rely on you. It would only break you."

"There doesn't seem to be anyone else who has stepped up. Not on the magnitude required."

"Sometimes one need not step up. People find each other at the right time." Sei suspected that might be part of why Folken was with him, fate bringing them together for Folken's sake. Or perhaps even for his own.

"Emperor Dornkirk has taken this up, and so I follow him. No one seems to be doing that, Sei."

"Doing what?" Sei wasn't sure if Folken was talking about Emperor Dornkirk now or about something completely different.

"That is the point I'm trying to make. Maybe they are supposed to be working things out on their own, but they don't. They just don't."

"In the end, they usually do. Unless their time is cut short."

Folken sipped from the porcelain cup, looking at table.

Sei made his point more clear. "And _you_ can't help with that."

"I can try."

"Only if you want to break yourself faster. Have you unraveled your own troubles yet?"

Folken was silent.

Sei sipped his tea, waiting to hear something from the other man. He could and would wait.

Folken set his teacup down. "My trouble will only end when I finish the work I do for Emperor Dornkirk."

"Why do you say that?" What Sei saw suggested that more problems stemmed from how close he was to the Emperor than was worth Folken's devotion.

"My only desire is for peace on Gaea. That is all I care about."

"Only desire? What about the desires of your past?"

"What do you mean?"

"If the desires of your past are unresolved, they can still affect your future."

"This is not about me."

"Why not?" It was frustrating and disappointing how Folken never allowed anything to be about himself.

"My troubles stem from a wrong way of life."

"A wrong way of life?" While the physician saw problems with the other man's life, they were not problems the other man was acknowledging.

"I did not know what was right or wrong. I was a foolish young man. Emperor Dornkirk changed that." He sipped more tea.

"What did you do that was so foolish?"

"I lived for war, the same as everyone else I knew. I fought, I learned to kill, and all to perpetuate unnecessary hatred between others."

"You still _do_ live for war."

"I live in a time of war. There is a difference. I work for peace."

"Is there a difference? Your side started this particular war."

"This war, yes. There have been many others."

"And probably always will be. War happens. It makes people appreciate peace all the more."

Folken shook his head. "Believe what you will Sei."

"Think about things. More importantly, _feel_ about them. Feeling, believing, is a better way to see than letting someone else think for you."

"Hm." Folken sipped the tea, not wanting to focus on what the doctor meant.

"Everyone here is blind – the blind leading the blind. Or they want to be blind."

"Even you?"

"Sometimes. You think I want to see everyone die?"

"Of course not. And do you think I want to continue this job?"

"I haven't seen you try anything different."

"There is nothing different that I feel suited for. This job needs to be done." He shut his eyes. "But honestly...I hate it."

"What is it about the job that needs to be done?"

"What do you mean?"

"Why do you do it – why do you say it needs to be done?" If his companion insisted on dying, Sei would at least ascertain that it was necessary in some way.

"Because it must. The Emperor needs someone to plan things out for him, to run things. No one else bothers to truly listen to what he says."

"He needs someone to challenge his ideas; to refine them. That would be better than what you do."

Folken blinked. "What are you talking about?"

"You truly listen to him, you think?"

"Yes." He found Sei's previous idea laughable. "If you know of someone else who can do this job better, please find him and bring him here."

"You take his words, whatever they may be, and deem them perfect. Then you find a way to make it so. He needs to make them perfect by changing what he says at times. No one is perfect the first try. You can do the job well. But you do not challenge him, though you are smart enough to do so."

"I don't challenge him because he is right!"

"You don't challenge him because you don't give enough consideration to what he says! He wants your brother gone! He sees him as a threat, probably because he knows you still love Van. And you don't seem to understand this!" Sei was emphasizing nearly every word at this point, trying to get Folken to think about what he had been saying.

"Van is only a threat if he continues to oppose Zaibach. If he could be persuaded, then he would be fine." Folken worked hard to believe this, to believe that his work would help his brother.

"You mean if he wishes to remain free and try to help his people he's a 'threat'?"

"Well, he is mistaken." Deep sorrow briefly flickered in Folken's eyes.

"In what?"

"In thinking that he is free as he is now. He is bound by war and the way of the world."

"As is everyone. But at least his mind is freer than yours."

"My mind is clear."

"Of everything. Including free thought."

Folken glared at him. "How is it that you can persist in thinking that just because someone has made a decision and seen something to be true, that they must be the absolute worst of philosophers and therefore their words have no value?"

"How is it that you misinterpret my words always and think that philosophy is static when everything else changes?"

"What is true never changes. It is only our reception to the truth that changes."

"Truth always changes. It once was true that I had a brother. Now it is true that I have memories of a brother. He was not dead until he died."

"That is strange logic."

"You always say that." The doctor took a breath before explaining his words. "The dead are not born dead. They must live first. It is a balance. Death means nothing without life."

"And what if you never had true life to begin with?" Folken's question was earnest.

"Then you find or make it."

"It was given to me by Emperor Dornkirk. How can I possibly make you understand this?"

"Try explaining it." Sei was frustrated by how Folken seemed to expect blind faith in his words.

"Very well. I nearly died, he saved my life. He offered me a chance to help in this great struggle. I took it. End of story."

"You go so in-depth... He saved your life, but you're still dying."

"Yes, I am." He sighed. The doctor was not going to let that point go, to Folken's dismay.

"And this says nothing to you?"

"No. You don't understand the situation as I do."

"Then explain it."

"I refuse to try to explain anything to you anymore."

"And yet you expect me to be as mindless and conforming as everyone else, though I know nothing to make such a choice."

"No. I want nothing more than for you to understand what is and what is not. But you're so blind to this and call everyone who does see blind as well."

"You want nothing more than to dazzle me with your riddles."

The taller man folded his arms. The doctor never seemed to listen to anything he said.

Sei spoke once more. "There is no truth. Not like what you think. It is a river. It will not stay the same just because you say it does."

Folken was aggravated to the point of having nothing to say.

"Why do you come to me? You do not wish to hear what I say." Sei might have raised his voice by now, but it was not his nature to do so.

"Obviously, I have nothing better to do at the moment. And you are quite the peculiar one." He truthfully didn't know why he came back over and over. Deep down, further down than he could see, he wanted to be reasoned out of everything he had done.

"Ah. 'Let's go pester the loony doctor; that's always good for a laugh.'"

The Strategos smirked. "You're crazy if you think you are." Which didn't make a whole lot of sense right now, but he didn't care.

"You're the one who finds it so peculiar that I want to be me, not an empty body. I don't think I'm off my rocker, but you imply that I am."

"Oh, you're not insane. Just confused."

"So are you. You are no god. You cannot hope to know and understand everything."

"The only way that we truly know anything is to first admit that we _don't_ know everything."

"I do agree. But that admission does not bring more knowledge in and of itself."

"Interesting." He sipped his tea, ignoring the doctor a bit.

Sei sipped the tea as well, giving up on this conversation for now. "Would you care for a biscuit?"

"Yes, thank you."

Sei got them out, setting them on a small plate.

The Strategos lifted a biscuit to look at more closely, interested. "I've never seen one of these before."

"They come from my country."

"What is your country? I don't believe you told me." Just as likely was Folken having forgotten, not caring at the time. Even now, he sounded quite obviously disinterested.

"Do you even care?"

"Do you think I do?" Folken, as usual, averted the question with a question of his own.

"Not particularly."

Folken smiled. "You are insightful. But please indulge me anyway."

"Certainly. I come from Daedalus."

"Yes, I have heard of it."

"What have you heard of it?" Sei leaned towards the other man. So few people would ever talk of his homeland with him.

"Nothing of importance. Do you have trouble importing these from there?"

"At times, but I like them well enough that I take the trouble of it. Do you still get anything Fanelian for yourself?"

"No. I take nothing from Fanelia. I avoid the place at all costs."

Sei found himself growing more curious about the younger man, but before he could ask any of the multitude of questions that were flashing through his mind, he heard an unpleasant sound. The sound of a dire emergency which was clearly coming for him.

It was so urgent that they hadn't even sent a messenger to warn him. Instead, all Dr. Erimentha heard to alert him was the crying and moaning of the patient and his distraught companions.

He leapt to his feet and ran out into the hallway to help get the patient in. While his back was to the doorway, Folken slipped out, silent, but stately. And like a ghost, he was gone before Sei could notice. When Sei did notice his guest was no longer with him, he felt a dull ache inside, wanting the younger man near so he might save the noble philosopher.


	3. Family and Failing Words

"In a cup of Tea"

by Shelly Webster and Arsen Dalavaccio

Disclaimer: We own our own tea stashes and biscuits (well, cookies for Arsen). But that in no way suggests any ownership of Escaflowne on our parts.

A/N: Who and what makes people assign gender to inanimate objects around them? Why is my baby (aka the computer I type my fics on, that shares my bed with me every night) female, not male? Just pondering…Anyhow, yes, it's likely I will shift between British to American rules, but Sei's the Gaean version of being British and Folken's not. Oh, I suppose I should say this now: this is slash. Or, well, it will be. I have slash chapters on my baby just waiting to be formatted and betaed. Thanks to D, even though she's so so busy, we love her anyhow.

Shout-outs:

Lady Thompson: love, I don't mind. But you're a dork. And you know why I am slow with my updates! I spaz!

Sakura Shinguji-Albatou: I most humbly apologize for delaying a renewal of Sei goodness to read. The next chapter will go up next week though, no worries. The second word for me has me baffled. "SUGOI!" Huh?

strangedream: I'm glad you liked it so far. I'm afraid the philosophy doesn't come into play in many of the later chapters, but hints of it remain…

Threshie: Fate or not, the pairing works. I shall prove myself to you, then the world! Besides, we all know your secret. Yaifa waves to Fuu

Chapter 3

Family and Failing Words

Folken walked into Sei's place, as he was beginning to consider the infirmary. "Good evening, Sei."

"I'm sorry I parted so suddenly. You know how it is when a patient is brought in though..." Sei felt terribly rude for not even bidding Folken goodnight, despite knowing this was a companion certain to understand duty.

"Of course. It is the nature of all our work here. Emergency reparations are a must."

"This is true. I didn't get to ask this question, though." Sei paused, unsure his question would be answered even if he did ask it. "Why do you so studiously avoid Fanelia?"

"To avoid any question of loyalty." Which was somewhat truthful. In reality, he mostly did not want to have to be reminded of the place. He reminded himself well enough.

"By avoiding it, you suggest that there is a loyalty that would come into question were you there."

"Nonsense. This is simply to keep it out of the question in regards to the generals and other officials who are so quick to accuse me." Folken deeply resented this treatment, which seemed to be rooted in jealousy of his relationship with the Emperor and in distrust of all foreigners.

"Only because you are so defensive." Sei might not always be observant with people, but he had noticed that Folken found or made an answer for everything, one which left him blameless.

"I have to be defensive, Sei. If I weren't, they'd rip me apart. They've been trying to do that ever since I came here."

"Perhaps you do have to." Sei conceded this point because he had noticed that sometimes, important files were not turned over to him unless he specifically sought them out. Zaibach was not a trusting country after those years of constantly fearing invasion.

"Yes. I do." He would sip tea to avoid saying more, but there was none brewed. He glanced at his hands instead, hands which held no teacup today.

Noting where his companion's eyes looked, Sei realized his oversight. "Would you care for some tea?" 

Folken nodded. He was grateful for the offer, though he would not say this.

The physician prepared the tea with the grace of years' practice. "I do enjoy having someone about who doesn't mind the nuances of this ritual."

"Nuances?" The younger man knew that the tea was pleasant to drink, but had never paid much attention to how it was made when the physician prepared it.

"Yes. How I warm the pot before I put in the tea, how I put in the milk first..." Sei knew that many people were bored by this, but it was so soothing to him – a little piece of home.

"Ah..." Folken made a mental note of what Sei mentioned, details he always forgot when Sei had him brew their drink.

"That's what it takes to make tea properly." Sei poured their cups, his head down incase he blushed. When vocalized like this, it seemed rather foolish how the ritual drew him in.

"Thank you. I shall make it next time keeping this in mind. Perhaps then you won't think it the most revolting thing you've ever tasted." Folken rarely spoke in jest, but then, it was not so common for him to speak outside of business.

"You're not from Daedalus. I don't know if you _could_ make good tea." The physician smiled, his words teasing.

"I can learn. I'm a quick learner, you know." Even knowing the doctor had been teasing, Folken still felt the need to reassert his abilities.

"Sometimes." Sei smiled. "A bit stubborn though."

"Stubbornness is good sometimes." He smirked. After all, if there weren't any tenacity, their conversations would be a lot shorter and duller.

"At times it is. At other times, it does more harm than good."

"I agree. Dilandau is a prime example of that."

"Or Gatti."

"Yes." Folken would remark that Sei is too stubborn for his own good, but he didn't want to deal with the barrage of attacks saying that he himself is too stubborn.

"Perhaps we could play chess again?" Sei knew no other way around the dead-end their exchange had just hit.

"Yes, please." He wanted to attempt to win this time. The doctor's previous victory had to be a fluke.

"Do you have the board with you?" The medical practitioner owned no board; his brother had taken it, but it was never returned after his death.

Folken took out the checked surface, cold and smooth like its owner.

Sei began to set the board for them both. "White again?"

"No, red this time."

"Ah. Hoping it's lucky?" Sei smiled as he set down the white king, the piece which he had triumphed over.

"Not at all. I don't believe in random luck. It is a science, not some unpredictable force."

"Is that how you view everything?" Sei was so used to the views he grew up with, where nature was the balance that such a sterile perception seemed very unreal.

"Science has it's way with everything, so yes. For example, to understand what you will do in any given situation, I would study your motives and apply them there. In this example, let's say that you were on a battlefield with Dilandau. If he were to risk being hurt and not know it but you did, based on your actions and thoughts I'd say that you would rush in to help him at risk of your own life. But that is an easy thing to see."

"It is. However, science did not teach you to be liked by people." Sei had seen too much death to believe that science can fix everything. Too much death and too much life, for he would not accept the idea of mankind creating their own independently.

"I don't care if they like me or not." Which contradicted how the Draconian always seemed to mention that they do not do so with an exasperated or saddened tone.

"You would if they revolted." Sei's countenance was displeased. He was not one to like politics.

"Yes, perhaps I would. But only because I pity them."

"For what?" Sei moved a knight.

"For their mistaken ideas." He moved a knight as well.

Sei shifted a pawn. "What are they mistaken about?"

"If they were to rebel, that would be mistaken."

"To you. Not to them."

"No, not to them." He sounded exasperated. The doctor seemed to think that he never gave other points of view any attention.

"To them, you would be in the wrong."

"Of course. But I know I'm not wrong."

"Because you're never wrong? Just like you never lose at chess?" He smiled at Folken, knowing this statement was going to aggravate him a little.

"...I am wrong. Often. But until I see anything in what I believe that proves me wrong, I must make the assumption that I am right."

"I beg your pardon. What were you saying?" The Strategos wove such webs with his words that Sei could not always locate the thread of meaning betwixt the frills.

"What?" He blinked. "You didn't hear me?" Folken was unused to such a response, even from the audacious doctor.

"Your wording was unusual. I wish to be certain I understood."

"What do you think I said?"

"You believe you are right until one of your beliefs tells you that you are wrong..."

"Yes, that's it."

"I'm afraid that makes no sense." _Believe and believe? But… _It was all too complex for one used to little more than stitching wounds._  
_

Folken replied nonchalantly, "It would if you'd think about it." He moved a piece. "For example, you think I am wrong. Now, how do you know that is correct? You have no way of knowing anything for certain, so you must assume that you are right, considering the factors that you do know."

"But that is using fact, not belief. One of your beliefs is that you are right, therefore you are always right."

"Yes. Tell me, Sei... How often do you think to yourself, 'I believe this is true, but it is actually wrong'?"

"My thoughts aren't usually in words." He wasn't meaning to be difficult, exactly, because this was true. His thoughts were feelings and abstraction, not language.

The tall man shot a negative look Sei's way. "Words are how you communicate, therefore my example of something you might think is in dialogue form."

"I do know many of my beliefs are wrong. Including my belief that Dilandau will be ok. I wish it were true, but I know enough to know that Zaibach does not care much if he dies." Sei was saddened to make such an admission, especially in words spoken aloud.

"Then how can you truly believe it, if you know it is wrong?"

"I have to believe it. But I do not see how you can believe you are always right." He shifted a bishop while trying to shift his thoughts from their darkened path.

"I didn't say that I was always right." The Strategos moved a rook. "At the time I believe something, I believe it is right. If that is proven wrong, I do not believe it anymore. Is this really so difficult to comprehend?"

"I told you that your wording was unusual. Worded as such, it makes more sense."

"Forgive me. Your lack of understanding about my way of thinking makes me uncertain of how to word things for you." He took a sip of tea.

Sei was unsure if this was an insult. "I have been amongst the unthinking too long."

"Oh?" Though he was not sipping, the Strategos kept the teacup near his face to savor the aroma.

"Soldiers fight; they take orders. Even their leaders plan little."

"Yes. That is why I dislike talking to them and why I was so surprised when I met you."

"Ah. What did you expect me to be, then?" He moved a pawn, curious what the other man thought of him.

"I expected you to be a cold, unfeeling bastard who cares for nothing and no one and does his best to make life hell for his patients." He moved a pawn at random, having no reason for doing so. Folken was not even paying attention to the game anymore, despite his previous hope to win.

"Why would you expect that? A doctor's goal should never be to cause pain. It's in our oath: First, do no harm." He moved a knight, capturing a pawn.

"I expected it because I have seen it all too often. Zaibach's doctors seem inherently cruel."

"I am not from Zaibach. Had you known that before you came to see me?" Zaibach's military was built with a great deal of foreigners for a nation so untrusting, as he had gathered from the medical records on file.

"No, I did not. But it hardly matters where you are from originally. Many people here were once foreigners, and yet they grow to act just like everyone else here."

"Not everyone here is the same. Did you ever meet Yaifa, the Dragon Slayer?"

"Yaifa..." Folken's eyes narrowed as he searched his head.

"He has glasses." Sei was unsure what other physical characteristic he could isolate.

"Why, yes. I believe I had to help him get a new pair once."

"Ah. He's quieter than the others. Not very good at being a soldier, I understand. Well, for being one of Dilandau's soldiers, that is."

"Oh? That is a shame." He instantly thought of Van.

"Is soldiering so important?" It seemed so unappealing. A life where risks and death were frequent, familiar companions.

"We need good soldiers. If he is not good at it, then perhaps he would be better suited somewhere else. His death would not be necessary."

"What else would he do?"

"I could find something for him."

"Would Dilandau let any of his men leave? I think not." Sei was almost certain his charge would try to harm someone who took one of "his men".

"He wouldn't have a choice in the matter."

"He's not stable enough to lose one right now." The corner of Sei's mouth quirked. He wasn't certain Dilandau was ever actually stable, as the youth hadn't come to him until recently.

Folken sighed. "Very well."

"Is anything else on your mind?" Folken's sighs clung at him. The younger man was so troubled, but there was little to do about it.

Sei's straightforward and blunt words were on Folken's mind, but he didn't want to say that. Sei was just bugging the hell out of him. "Do you think there is?" The tall man diverted the question.

"I think so, otherwise you would have moved by now." Somehow Sei was able to remember the game, but Folken kept forgetting.

Folken looked down, suddenly remembering that they were playing chess. _Damnit! You're not keeping pace with the situation! _ He gave short laugh, and drank more of the tea.

The doctor also sipped some tea. "Well?"

"Nothing..."

"Ah." He sipped more tea, his eyes not leaving Folken.

"...nothing..." He glanced around, unable to escape Sei.

"What else is there?" Sei's mind was now wandering, and taking his mouth with it.

"Nothing, I said!" He sipped his tea angrily.

"I meant as an alternative to nothing. Everything has some nothing to it."

Folken gave him an odd look. "What does that mean?"

"...I don't know if I can explain it." Sei looked at the table while he tried to find the right words for his thoughts.

Folken laughed. For once Sei was in the position of struggling with an explanation.

"It's just...nothing is _everywhere_. As if nothing is a substance of its own, though." Sei knew his words were coming out wrong, words leaving his thoughts wide open to misinterpretation.

"Interesting." Folken was listening, hoping to hear something to say what the doctor actually meant.

"Nothing...is important. Without nothing, the somethings don't mean as much."

Folken decided to try to help the struggling physician. Language was clearly not the physician's strong point always. "Without nothingness, we wouldn't appreciate the things that fill our lives?"

"That is a good way of putting it, yes." It wasn't quite what he had been thinking, but close enough that he would accept it.

Folken sipped tea. He moved a piece on the board. Just to make Sei happy.

"I have a question for you." He moved a rook.

"Yes?" Folken moved a pawn.

"Have you ever tried writing out what you would say to your brother if you thought he would listen?" Sei realized his words were very much unwanted and tried to explain the motivation behind them. "I just had thought it might be a useful exercise."

He blinked. Mentally, he felt as if this shaky ground has just started falling to pieces beneath him, but in a world where his wings were of no use. "Well...no...I didn't...I didn't think of that." His words were uncertain when he first answered. Then he spoke firmly and coldly to give a final answer. "There's no sense in it, really."

"It would make things clearer in your mind, probably."

"I'd rather not."

"Why not? Are you afraid of what you might find?"

"No." He had some idea of what Sei is trying to get at, but didn't quite understand. He stared at the doctor with narrowed eyes.

"Why don't you want to do this then?"

"Because you suggested it. Because you're trying to trick me into doing something." Folken had been shown little trust for so long that he no longer trusted. He did not see how much he had become one of the people he was trying to save.

"I don't need trickery. That's Shesta and Dalet's field."

"Ah, yes...the infamous pranksters. I shall have to punish them sometime. I _know_ they're responsible for that damned singing..."

"I also heard something about maids uniforms..." Sei's mouth smiled under twinkling eyes.

Folken shut his eyes. He never blushes, otherwise at this time he would be crimson.

"You do not like this subject."

"And why should I? Everyone has things they dislike talking about."

"You did not seem to like what we were speaking of before either. Do you like conversation on anything other than your philosophy?"

"I find philosophy something enjoyable to talk about. And what other topic is it that you mean?"

"Every topic. Your betrayal of Fanelia, your deathwish, your relationship to your brother, your idealism..."

Folken's eyes shut, hiding the one feature most likely to reveal the emotions he so carefully masked.

"I am rather inquisitive. Don't know why a locked box like you would want that in a companion." It really was an odd match, as Sei saw it, though he was glad for a friend he could talk with like this.

"A locked box?" Folken looked as if his stomach had rolled over more times than he could count.

"You never let anything out. You rarely even smile."

"Well, I'm so fucking sorry to be a mystery to you, Sei." He set the cup down and leant close to Sei. "Did it ever occur to you that maybe I detest letting people get to know me because they always see something wrong? I can't say anything with being opposed like this."

"I was not trying to be offensive."

"You don't have to try."

"No one is perfect. Others will always find something wrong."

"Yes, I know this. But to be stopped at every turn is intolerable." Folken's job was hard enough in that area without his teatime colleague behaving the same way.

"It happens. Do you think my treatment is never questioned?"

"Oh, undoubtedly. You work with the Dragon Slayers and Dilandau. I've never met a group more resistant to medicinal practices."

"What did you expect, after all Dilandau goes through?"

"I didn't say it was unexpected. I merely meant to let you know that I understand."

"And yet you resist opening up." After a pause filled with both men sipping their tea again, Sei asked one of the questions tickling his mind. "What am I to you?"

Folken narrowed his eyes. "Apparently someone who just wants to change who I am." He looked tired. He still didn't get any sleep, or even rest. His mind would not permit it.

"That's what _you_ are. I want you to be who you are. I meant, would you call me friend? Because friends are open and honest with each other. Not in every way, but moreso than strangers."

"I don't know what I'd call you." He didn't want to think about it either.

"Apparently a prying old man..." Sei's tone was wry. 

"That might be one, yes."

"But nothing else comes to mind?"

"You're confusing. And a damned good chess player."

"Everyone is confusing."

"Yes."

"You more so than most I meet."

"Oh? I suppose I should be flattered?"

"It is neither compliment nor insult."

"Ah. Another thing...you seem intent upon saving me from myself. But I've already told you several times that I do not have any need to be saved."

"Then why do you come back? I'm a doctor. I save people."

Folken was very slow to answer. At last he found an answer which Sei would have a hard time turning against him. "For the tea, of course. You make wonderful tea." He laughed tiredly. "What a terrible profession to have during a war..."

"If that were why you come, you would trouble me for the recipe more. I agree about the profession for wartime. But I can't let them die without trying." He was talking about more than just the soldiers.

"I think you would be remiss not to try."

"And yet you are displeased that I do not wish to let you die?"

"I think there's always hope of helping someone." He laughed and smiled a bit. "You are strange. Perhaps I am not altogether upset that someone does not want me to die."

"Ah. Was that so hard to acknowledge?"

"Perhaps it was." He sipped the herbal concoction. "But it doesn't change the fact that I will."

"I know I cannot change it. But I can try to convince you to."

"I get the feeling you're going to try incessantly."

"What else is there to do?" Sei eyed the other man, amused. After all, they both seemed to feel there was nothing to occupy them on the Vione.

Folken shrugged and drank more tea. He refilled the now empty cup.

"Would you please top me off as well?"

"Certainly." He refilled Sei's cup, moving with his usual efficiency and grace, despite his exhaustion.

"Thank you."

"Sei, you won't get anywhere with me. Your arguments will be in vain. I simply wish to warn you of this now." The Strategos was almost frantic inside with his need to build more walls against the physician.

"Perhaps. But, as you say, I would be remiss not to try."

He seemed more interested in possibly warding off Sei, convincing him not to try. "Yes, I did say that, didn't I?"

"You did." He smiled.

He sighed, looking down at the tea. "What will you do when the war ends, Sei?"

"That might depend on Dilandau."

"Oh?"

"He needs me if he is alive. He'll never admit it, though."

"Yes. I doubt he could make it on his own." He had doubts about whether Dilandau could make it at all, but he wouldn't say that now.

"If...if he doesn't make it, I will probably go...home. Become a village doctor."

"Care for people in your hometown? Do you think you'll ever marry?"

"I don't know if it would be my hometown, but somewhere in Daedalus. And I doubt I will ever find someone I would want to marry. It's a bit late to be looking...not to mention, no one really caught my eye there way back when."

The younger man smiled. "You could always find someone. That's what they say, isn't it? That there's always someone out there for everyone."

"Do you believe it?" Sei raised his eyebrows doubtfully.

"No. I have no interest in romance, really."

"Did you ever find someone you thought you might want to marry?"

"No." He shook his head to reinforce his statement. "I never had the time to look. When I was younger, I was always training to be king. I didn't have time to make friends or talk to anyone. I came here, and...well, it was just out of the question."

"Why?" From what Sei could tell, Folken's prime, the years when he should have been finding love or at least lust, were spent in Zaibach.

"Romance is not highly looked upon in Zaibach. Not to mention that I never found anyone of interest."

"Ah. And now you won't have the chance..."

"I don't feel upset about it." In fact, he sounded colder and more indifferent than usual.

"Part of you does." Sei was learning that with Folken, none of the typical expectations apply.

"What makes you say that? I have no wish for love. I do love children, but that does not bother me so much. I have my two girls, I am fine with that."

"The look in your eyes defies that. It's buried, but you wish you had a proper family. Your parents were very much in love, weren't they?"

"Yes, I suppose they were." He always would add 'suppose' to his remarks, as if he was completely detached from it and could infer nothing.

"You suppose?" Sei was noticing how much this phrase was used by his companion.

"Yes. I really wouldn't know. That's not exactly something parents tell their children, is it?"

"It's something one sees sometimes."

"Then, from what I've seen, yes, they were in love. They were hated by everyone for it, but they loved each other so that it did not matter."

"That is a wonderful thing."

Folken nodded.

"My grandparents lived with us. Father's parents. They were also very much in love."

"That must have been crowded." Folken smiled a bit. "Even after all that time, they were?"

"It was just the 6 of us, then the 5, so not very crowded. It was...homey. Yes. After all that time, and we all saw it. I always wished I had someone to grow old with."

"It is sad that you're still alone. I've seen how you and Dilandau react to each other. You think of him like a son?" For once, Folken was taking enough interest in the conversation to not use an open opportunity to mock Sei's age.

"...yes." Sei did not admit this very easily, but he knew Folken would not do anything about it, at least not at present. "Things could be better, but he is the closest thing I have found to family here."

The Strategos nodded. "Then he is lucky to have someone that cares about him as you do."

"I suppose. Do you have anyone here to take care of or to take care of you?"

"Yes. The girls. Nariya and Eriya."

"Ah. That is good then. You so often seem like you have no one."

"They have been away training for some time. And they shouldn't have to help me through my own sufferings. I do not wish to be such a burden to them."

"It's part of caring. It makes people want to help others through suffering."

"I'm certain that growing up as they did has been hard enough already."

"Oh?"

"Yes. When I found them, they were under attack from a mob of villagers. They've suffered immense discrimination from the day they were born and have had precious little to hold on to."

"Do they know yet that you are dying?"

He looked down. "No."

"Does anyone but me?"

"No." 

"Why have you told no one?" Even though Sei had picked out the signs rather than being told, he still felt something at being the only one to know something so personal to Folken.

"It is not necessary for them to know yet."

"Death is not easy to deal with. Especially if you are their family now. And perhaps their lives only prepared them to help you with your burden." Sei did know that if they meant so much to Folken they deserved to know.

He sat in silence for a time, thinking. "It's not as if they will be left with nothing, Sei."

"What will you leave them with, other than the knowledge that you would not tell them this?"

Folken set his cup down and rose from the table. He headed for the door.

"Have I offended you?" Sei cringed inwardly, knowing this happened so often with their interactions. He always seemed to ask the wrong thing, the obvious that should be unspoken.

"I'll see you tomorrow, Sei." He declined to answer the older man's question, only indicating that he would return.

"Until then, Folken."

"Goodnight." With that he left, the cloak making him hard to see in the shadows.


	4. Rest in Death

"In a cup of Tea"

by Shelly Webster and Arsen Dalavaccio

Disclaimer: We do not own Escaflowne – we can't even draw all the characters we want to from it. But our lack of drawing skill is irrelevant today.

A/N: Slash, and I can almost taste it. I am very eager for when these chapters start having actual slash though. Deepest gratitude to the charming D and T, and to any readers we may have retained in the delay betwixt postings.

Shout-outs:

Lady Thompson: Yes, yes, I know you all want more. But I can't focus on my formatting lately. Which drives me up a wall.

Sakura Shinguji-Albatou: Oh, no. He's _my_ Sei! Mine! Folken glares And you're not allowed to kidnap him. My head needs a doctor because we had a recent attempted suicide by a character.

Threshie: Only you would write a review so thought-out and lovely, dear. Umm…yeah. Posting now, thinking later.

Chapter 4

Rest in Death

Folken walked back to Sei's place. He had yet another sleepless night behind him. He was starting to look really unlike his stately self.

The medical practitioner already had the water on boil in anticipation of his associate's return.

The skin around the eyes of the dying man was getting darker, like black ash smudged across his fair, sallow skin.

"You are so troubled. Perhaps I should brew you my restfulness tea when you go to bed." Sei knew many teas, though he usually brewed one with no particular medicinal quality.

The younger man nodded. He took his usual place and set up the chess board almost mechanically, not fully functioning anymore.

Sei fetched their tea, deciding to let Folken speak first for once.

"Do you never go anywhere else, Sei? I am merely curious."

"There is nowhere else to go of value. I have enough books here if I choose to read. Where do you go?"

"I don't go anywhere either." The younger man continued setting up the pieces, occasionally hiding a slight fumble caused by his fatigue.

"Same reason?" 

"Yes, except for the fact that I've read every book on this ship already." _Several times, most of them._

"Even the medical texts?" Sei raised an eyebrow, partly in shock and partly in doubt.

"Yes. I studied those when I was a sorcerer."

"Ah. I am trying to determine if I might have anything you have not read."

"You might. If yours is a private collection that you didn't disclose the contents of." While the guidelines Zaibach enforced did not require disclosure of all reading materials, it was highly encouraged. Folken had encouraged this specific policy when he began tiring of the books available.

"I know of one, but it is not a book I share. There may be others."

"I would like to look through it, if you don't mind. Sometime."

"My collection?" Sei hoped this was the case. The book was a family heirloom, but a direct order from the Strategos would not be refused.

"Yes." He also wanted to see this secret book, but it didn't seem the time to ask.

"Certainly. What colour?"

"...color? Oh...you mean the chess game... White today." He had thought Sei meant the color of books. Folken was tired, after all.

Sei smiled at Folken's distraction. Until he gave it some thought. Then his amusement turned to concern. "Have you slept at all?"

"I think, perhaps. I'm certain I got a few last night." Folken referred to minutes, not hours.

"Much?" He knew it was not like the young man to be so confused; vague recollections were unheard of from the Strategos. He knew Folken was running close to trouble if he went much longer without getting a decent amount of sleep.

In the physician's opinion, sleep deprivation caused some irrational thought and action in most people. This was not something he mentioned in his reports, having learned quickly that if he tried to change the policies Zaibach held, he would be fired. After all, he was just a lowly doctor.

"What? Not much, no. I admit, I haven't been able to sleep."

"Why not?"

"I'm not entirely sure." He moved a pawn.

Sei moved a knight.

Folken shifted another pawn. He was having a bit of trouble focusing on the game, even without talking so much as usual.

"You need rest. If I gave you something for it other than the tea, would you take it?"

"What do you mean?" He narrowed his slightly burning eyes at Sei.

"You said you approve of sedatives. Would you take one?" Sei raised an eyebrow, ready to try almost anything for Folken at this point.

"Absolutely not. I approve of them for others. And I meant that as a joke."

"Ah." Sei was not amused. "Still, I think you should lie down."

"I don't want to lie down." Folken did not sound at all happy that the doctor suggested he rest there. 

"It could be in the other room if you're concerned about Dilandau. I don't want you falling asleep mid-stride or running into anything in a daze."

"What are you talking about?" He gave Sei a funny look.

Sei put on a pot of his sleep-inducing tea, knowing that when this tired Folken wouldn't notice it was a different tea. "You can't focus on the chess game, that's all."

"Well then, we don't have to play."

"We still can if you wish to." He didn't want Folken to leave, but saying it would only make the other man suspicious.

"Not if it will risk me being accused of things..."

Sei refilled Folken's cup with the new tea, speaking calmly as he did so. "I was not accusing you of anything. I only suggested a lie down."

"I will not lie down." He was being quite obstinate about this, like any two-year-old might behave on this matter. "I refuse to lie down and take a nap. I know I'm dying, but I'm not ill!"

"You might become ill if you do not sleep, but I will not force you." The older man sipped his tea, the first brew, not the sleep-inducing blend.

"No, you will not." Folken sipped his own tea, unconsciously echoing the doctor's action. He blinked, looking down at it. He thought it tasted a little bit different today, but assumed it was due to being tired. He continued sipping it.

"Did my words yesterday trouble you?" He wasn't sure, but Sei thought the tea might lower Folken's reluctance to speak openly.

"What words?" He stared at his reflection in the teacup.

"About the girls."

"My girls...What are you talking about?" He was too tired to remember. "They're not ill, are they?" He looked over at Sei, a bit worried.

"No."

Folken's relief showed.

"I just was asking if they know about you."

"...oh…" The conversation was slowly coming back to him. "No, they don't...Yes, you did ask that…"

"You should tell them."

"I can't. Not yet. They aren't here, and I'd rather not send some messenger to tell them." He drank more of the tea.

"I agree with that. It's reasonable to wait until you yourself can tell them." Sei hadn't at all meant for Folken to use intermediaries when informing them he was dying.

"I will tell them soon."

"I am pleased."

Folken's eyelids were beginning to droop.

"Why do you want to die?" Sei finally asked the question he had been pondering so deeply since he became so acquainted with the young man.

"I have no reason not to." Folken drank some more of the tea he loved so.

"But what reason do you have to die?"

"What reason do I have to live?" He bowed his head. "I'm not doing any good here, Sei." He shut his eyes, partly of his own volition. "You know it, don't you?"

"I see the good you could do. You can do none of it dead."

"No, of course not. Sei, you overestimate me. I can do nothing. And I'm tired." He sighed and takes another drink.

"Would you like to lie down now?" Sei could tell that the tea was working.

"I didn't mean that kind of tired." Though he was feeling quite heavy and lethargic, he would not admit this to the doctor.

"Ah. I still do see you have potential. I know I am not overestimating you, at least not by as much as you seem to think I am."

"Why can you not comprehend the fact that I am useless because I failed?" Folken was getting irritated by how stubborn the physician would be.

"Sometimes you are just like Dilandau." Sei was also growing exasperated.

"I am not!" He smacked his head down on the table. "If I were ever to be like him, I think I'd kill myself outright."

"No will to live because you are flawed? He has told me of that same feeling many times."

Folken's words abandoned him, unable to show that he was nothing like the commander of the Dragon Slayers. "...I am _not_ like Dilandau." He grew ever more tired. "You just want to think I'm like him..."

"No."

"So that you'll have some way of dealing with me..."

"I appreciate how unlike him you can be." Sei's voice was gentle; honest.

Folken laughed. "Next thing I know, you'll be attempting to drug me to sleep."

"Would that be so terrible?"

He found himself unable to open his eyes again. "Hmm...?"

"Never mind."

"Mm-hmm."

Sei watched Folken fade into sleep. Once the younger man was sleeping deeply, the doctor maneuvered him onto a cot.

Folken, against his will, slowly faded back into consciousness after an all too brief nap. He opened his eyes ever so slightly and glanced at the room around him. "...what the hell...?"

Sei looked up.

He assumed he must be dreaming of when he first came to Zaibach. "DAMNIT!"

"You're awake."

He heard Sei's voice and was a little confused. "What?" He sat up, looking at himself. It appeared that Sei was right.

"You fell asleep at the table."

"What happened! ...I did?" Folken was thoroughly confused, though the fog of drowsiness not yet faded was in part to blame.

"Yes. You hadn't been sleeping much, and I guess it was enough to push you over the edge."

"Oh." Folken felt a bit nervous now. Did Sei think he was unstable? He knew what happened to unstable people in Zaibach. Hell, he'd been the cause of misery for one unstable young man already.

"Would you like some tea, maybe a crumpet?"

Folken raised an eyebrow at the offer. "...no..." Why the most negative thoughts have to enter one's mind when one is frightened is a mystery. Folken thought of Sei's words about uprisings. Sei knew he was suicidal, and a few other things as well. There had to be an ulterior motive somewhere.

"Do you feel at all better now?" Sei refrained from touching Folken, though it was not easy to curb is physician's instincts.

All he had to do was report something. "I feel much better," he lied, standing up and looking himself over.

"Much better? All I was hoping for was a little rested." The older man's tone showed disbelief.

"I'm perfectly fine." Folken walked towards the door.

"Leaving?"

"Of course."

"Why? Does it bother you that I saw you sleep?"

"...I don't sleep easily around certain people. I don't trust you." _I can't trust you._

"Why not?" Sei felt an ache at hearing this, though perhaps, he thought, Folken was right. Perhaps it was best that Folken not trust him.

"Because you are untrustworthy. And because you don't believe in anything I do. There is such a thing as a usurper, you know."

"I believe in it; I just do not see success."

"Fine."

"And I have no wish to be more than a doctor. I'm not meant for government."

"I doubt you could take my job, Sei. That's not what I meant. Saboteur…that's what I meant." He was still a bit tired.

"Ah. And I could do what to sabotage you in your sleep?"

"I don't know. Tie me up and keep me prisoner? You certainly don't seem to appreciate the way I run things."

"It would do harm to have no one running things."

"They'd find someone else." The young Strategos believed he was ultimately replaceable.

"Perhaps no one so interesting to converse with."

Folken glared. "I doubt you really enjoy talking with me that much. You seem to hate everything I say."

"Would I serve you tea if I did not like you despite our disagreements?"

"I have no idea. I don't know you." His eyes were half-shut.

"Would it mean something if I let you read the book no one outside my family has ever read?" Sei didn't know what he was saying; all he knew was he needed Folken to trust him and know he didn't hate him.

"What?" Folken was leaning against the doorway.

"I mentioned it yesterday. In my books, I have one which I let no one read. It is the listing of the family healer's concoctions."

"Family healing...Herbal remedies?"

"Yes. My grandmother was a healer."

"I would appreciate being able to read it. But you know as well as I that herbal remedies are no longer accepted in Zaibach. It wouldn't do for me to be seen walking around with it."

"Read it here; read it in only your private chambers and carry it in one of those deep pockets. But that is not what I asked."

"What did you ask?" He thought back in their conversation before Sei could repeat his question. "Would it mean something..? I'm not sure...I never had any family secrets, and so I wouldn't know." Being royal, everyone knew the family business.

"Ah. Very well. If you find me so unpleasant, you can go then."

He didn't really wish to spend another sleepless night with nothing to think about but his conversations with Sei. "If you wouldn't mind, could I borrow the book? Or look at it here?"

"If you would admit that I like you, not hate you, I will let you read it. Otherwise, it would mean nothing to allow it."

"So, you don't hate me?" Even hearing it put so bluntly by Sei, Folken was unable to grasp the idea quickly. He stared at the physician for a moment. Why in the world didn't Sei hate him?

"Of course not."

"Well...I suppose you can't hate me too much if you don't want me to die. If you're so willing to annoy the hell out of me about it for five days..."

"You're the one that comes back knowing I'll bring it up."

Folken smiled. "I come back because at least you have something to say, even if half of it involves misguided attempts to make me a better person. That really is annoying, Sei."

"Ah. I find some of _your_ habits annoying as well."

"Well, as long as we both find each other annoying, I suppose that means we get on fairly well." Folken was still too tired to be fully aware of what he was saying. 

"That's one way to see it; especially as we are admitting to such annoyances." Folken had just admitted to getting along fairly well with him. This was something to be remembered.

"Could I see the book please?"

"Sure, book..." Sei dug it out of the cabinet, where it lay nestled on his box of the herbs many of the remedies needed.

Folken stepped back in the room. He decided to read it there, so that he could ask Sei questions about it when he had them.

"Here it is. Some of the ink is faded..."

The young scholar took it gently, as though it were sacred. He treated all written word in this manner. "That's fine." His reply was absentmindedly spoken as he sat down and began to read through the text, instantly becoming absorbed. Most amusing were the marginal notes from generation to generation, commenting on everything from the weather to the tonics themselves.

Sei brewed his morning pot of tea, expecting to share it with Folken. Once he realized that Folken wasn't even aware of his presence, he set to drinking the tea himself.

Folken didn't stop to take a break until he'd read it cover to cover. He set the newly read book down on the table. He looked...satiated... "Very interesting."

"I'm impressed. Few would read it in one sitting."

Folken smirked. "I'm not surprised at how many tea recipes there are in there. Oh, I usually read books that way. And I have always had an interest in plant life."

"This is true. But it's almost like reading a cookbook. Few people read every recipe unless they will use them."

"I doubt I'll have a chance to use them. I still enjoy reading." At this point, he'd enjoy reading anything, even the ever so dull inventory sheets for the mess hall or janitorial staff on the Vione.

"Any thoughts on it?"

"Your family must have a long tradition in medicine. It's no wonder you are such a good doctor, coming from a family like that." It didn't occur to Folken that he never complimented Sei before.

"Yes. It's something we pass down."

"Yes. I think it is, however, outdated."

"Oh?" Sei wasn't going to be offended. Yet. But he knew that these remedies were valid, and usually better than the chemical alternatives.

"At least, as far as a place like this is concerned." Folken thought for a moment.

"I am not encouraged to use them on my patients." _Or permitted, for that matter._

"You know, that might be a good read for some of our soldiers."

"They are effective. And have fewer side effects than many 'proper' medications."

"The soldiers get lost in the field, wounded, and don't know what to do until they find some place friendly to Zaibach. But effective or not, we have trouble attaining the herbs needed for your medicines."

"I have them. We could have a greenhouse for growing more."

"We're very short on personnel. At least one person would have to tend that greenhouse. And you can't do it because you have so many patients." It was rare for Folken to see patients with them in the infirmary, but the fact was that the Vione remained too large a ship to have a doctor only part-time.

"You like plants." 

"I do."

"And I might have fewer patients if we used this, so I could assist."

"It won't work."

"You could make it happen."

"No, I couldn't. E-" He tensed up, suddenly becoming just a tad bit angry. "It won't work." He spoke through grit teeth.

"Or you're afraid to try because you might be disappointed? You're already dying; how much worse could it get?"

"No. It has nothing to do with what I think." He sighed, shutting his eyes. "Emperor Dornkirk would never hear of such a thing."

"Have you asked before? Shown him the benefits, _Strategos_?"

He couldn't help but remember Sei talking about something very similar to this earlier. "I haven't. I already know he wouldn't permit it."

"What would he do if you ask?"

"Absolutely nothing."

"No harm then."

He looked at Sei, then rolled his eyes. "You're going to bother me about this until I do it, aren't you?"

Sei smiled. "What do you think?"

Folken stood up. "I'll tell you what happens." He picked up the book. "Mind if I borrow this?"

"You may."

"Thank you." He bowed and left to see Emperor Dornkirk. He returned half an hour later and handed the book back to Sei.

"Would you like some tea?" He set the book on the table.

Folken nodded. He sat down, saying nothing else.

Sei prepared the tea, bringing it to the table.

Folken stared at it, not drinking.

"Was it so terrible?"

Folken looked up at him, very annoyed. "Yes. He's now convinced once again that I've no vision for the future."

Sei sighed.

"I've worked hard to earn his respect, Sei. I really don't care to throw it away for things like this when I know that they won't do any good."

"We could do this anyhow. In our free-time."

"What? Grow herbs?"

"Yes. Ask around carefully for anyone wanting to learn how to use them; train them in their free-time."

"In case you didn't know, most everyone here hates me. If I go do something like that, word will spread around and I'll have to deal with more questioning of my loyalty to Zaibach."

"And everyone here doesn't trust me. But if I could recruit a messenger, it might work. You already have more than that to deal with. Or did you forget that you're dying?" Sei's reminder was not meant to be cruel, but to give the Strategos some perspective.

Folken leaned his forehead against his hand. His words emerged through grit teeth. "Why yes. Thanks for reminding me. Sei, do you have any idea how hard it has been for me to get along in this place? I do not want to start a new project like this."

"Why not, if it's doing something you actually enjoy?"

"Because I'll lose my place."

"Beg pardon?"

"Do you think it was easy to get where I am now? As I said, I'm hated. I'm a foreigner. I'm a traitor."

"And that means you can't have a hobby?"

"Not if I'm ordered not to do it. The Emperor told me not to do this."

"What if you just grew them for me, in your spare time, for me to use, no one else?" Sei didn't know why, but he wanted Folken to do this, to return to his former passion.

"I doubt someone wouldn't find out."

"And you don't want to risk it when you're so close to the end anyhow?"

"Right. Sei, listen to me. I don't have any motivation other than this job." He was just starting to repeat the same things...he was running thin on good arguments, or any argument at all.

"Open new doors then. I know you want to see plants again."

It had been hard to live inside barren walls all this time. Hard and cold.

"Grow them here, in quarantine. You come here already and no one ever goes in there."

He sat thoughtfully for a few minutes. He then looked Sei dead in the eyes. "I will not." Not he could not, but he would not.

"Why not?"

"Because loyalty comes at other times than when others can see."

Sei turned his back to Folken. "You have to be loyal to yourself too."

Folken rose from the chair. "I chose my loyalties long ago."

"And you died. Ghost-boy."

"Yes. You understand. Wonderful."

"That's all you are, a ghost...already gone." Sei couldn't look back at Folken. His emotions were running much too strong, despite the strong words.

"I don't have time for this."

"Oh?" The doctor kept his back to Folken, but looked over his shoulder.

"I don't have time for this." He shook his head.

"You know I'm not giving up."

"And you know I have no intention of giving in."

"You can't run away from yourself forever."

"Chase me down, then. Defeat me, if you will." He headed towards the door. "I don't care."

"That is your job. You do care."

"You're wrong."

"You wish you didn't."

Folken sighed and lowered his head.

"But that's why you come back." Sei doubted Folken could deny this anymore, at least to himself.

"Yes, I do. Sei, I've had quite enough of you for one day. I bid you good evening."

"Good evening. Sleep well, my friend."

"Sleep...If I sleep at all." The young man, exhausted to his very soul, held back a sigh.

"Yes."

Folken walked out the door, not sure if he would come back the next day.


	5. Past Pleasure and Present Emptiness

"In a cup of Tea"

by Shelly Webster and Arsen Dalavaccio

Disclaimer: I own this computer. As a gift. I'm broke! So I clearly wouldn't own an anime series. Though I do have a lovely novel which was written for me.

A/N: Wow. Parts of this chapter, Sei reminds me of Pearl, a teacher in my favourite film, The United States of Leland. Thanks also to McVities. Sei salutes them for their excellent bickies. **Sei is in his mid-forties.**

Shout-outs:

Lady Thompson: Ok, shared his age.

Sakura Shinguji-Albatou: It wasn't originally going to be slash, so I added that later to the summary. And I suppose I can share him. A little.

Threshie: They don't always drink tea, but there are frequent references…

Chapter 5

Past Pleasure and Present Emptiness

"Good morning, Sei."

The doctor looked up. "Good morning, Folken."

Folken seated himself at the usual place. He set an old box on the table.

Sei looked at the box curiously.

"I'm giving you my chess set, Sei. I have no need to keep it anymore." He sighed. Folken couldn't seem to hold any love for the game like he used to. 

"You should keep it," the older man urged.

"No. I do nothing with it. And after I'm gone, you'll be able to make use of it."

"With whom?"

"I don't know. I used to play it against myself." Folken's reply was empty, rather than irritated.

"You're the first person I played with since…my brother. I don't intend to play with anyone else."

Folken sighed. "Very well, then. I'll keep it." He slid the box along the table so it rested before Sei. "I thought you might enjoy having a look at this."

"What is it?" Sei ran a finger along the lid, which was still slightly dusty, though it had been dusted off earlier that day, it seemed.

"Some old work of mine."

"Oh?" He opened the box, pleased for such a chance to see what Folken once had been.

The books within the box contained several stories and romantic musings that he'd written down when he was much younger. Children's stories. Fables. That sort of thing. There were some beautiful illustrations in there as well. "You seem to hold out for the part of me that wrote those, so I thought you'd want to read them."

Sei smiled, looking very touched; he stroked them gently as he fingered through the pages. "Thank you. I am honored."

Folken nodded. "You are welcome."

"When did you last read them over?"

Folken began setting up a chess game. "I don't remember. I never look at them anymore. I came across them while looking for some old notes."

"And you don't want to read them one last time?"

"No." The Strategos kept his face composed into its usual mask. "I hold no love for them anymore."

"What do you hold love for now?"

"Apparently, nothing."

Sei sighed. This was not the answer he wanted to hear.

Folken set up the white pieces for Sei and the red pieces for himself. He moved a pawn. "I still love a good conversation. That is something I will never tire of."

"What is a good conversation in your eyes?"

"Something which stimulates thinking. Something that isn't mindless and without feeling..."

"Something that makes you feel less like you're dying?" Sei suggested quietly.

"No. It makes me feel less like everything around me is worthless. And it makes me feel less constricted."

"Constricted how? By what?"

"By...emptiness, I suppose."

Sei put a hand on his shoulder.

Folken didn't look up.

"I wish I knew what to say..." the doctor began, "You have to find your own thing to fill the emptiness."

"I have nothing, damnit. I've told you that several times already."

"Nothing? People live who have less than you. You have someone to talk to, at least, even if I'm not always very good for it."

"That is worth something, yes."

Sei smiled faintly.

"But it is not worth everything. I enjoy talking to you, Sei, but these conversations are not enough to make me wish to endure this hell any longer."

"What would be enough?"

"Apparently, nothing is." Folken's voice was growing quieter as his temper rose.

"Everything I suggest, you reject...even if I see you want it."

"Because it is illogical."

"Wanting something to make life worth living is illogical?"

"No. That is natural. But your belief that there_ must_ be something is. There isn't always something to make life worth living, there isn't always a chance for redemption. There doesn't have to be light at the end of the tunnel. The world is a tenuous balance of chaos and order. Therefore, negative things do exist." Folken didn't realize he was doubling up on philosophies here.

"And there isn't always someone to catch you if you jump off a cliff, right? You have wings. You can catch yourself. And I thought you didn't agree that the world has a balance?"

_Just because I have wings, that does not mean I can fly. _"It does...In the natural world, it does."

"Why are you trying to hide from nature? From your own nature?"

"Because... I don't wish to see any more of the damage that nature creates. It should be controlled, thus negating the need for balance." Folken's philosophies kept failing him as the doctor pressed him to explain more.

"What damage are you against? There is always damage."

"There always has been. That's what we're trying to eradicate."

"You can't get rid of death, or any other 'damage'."

"Death is not necessarily negative. Clearing away the dead things helps the new living things to form. Anyone who knows anything about plants knows that."

"Then why does the Emperor fear his own death?"

"He doesn't fear it. What gave you that idea?"

"Even I've heard rumor if his life support system," the physician pointed out.

"That was not created out of fear. He needs to remain alive until his work is finished."

"If his work is so important, someone else will continue it for him."

"No one else has his vision."

"Not even you?"

"I do share it, but I need his guidance."

"I think you would do very well without it." _Better without it._ Sei knew not to add the latter idea aloud.

"Of course you do. You're trying to convince me not to follow him, therefore you think that by removing him from my life I will somehow be 'cured' of whatever ailment is making me do such _foolish_ things."

"I have said no such thing."

"No, you did not."

"I merely think it might not be so absurd as you think."

"Oh, really?" Folken was being sarcastic, though he knew Sei was likely to ignore it.

"Yes. People need to live for themselves and make their own mistakes."

"I have made my own mistakes. I refuse to do that anymore."

"Why?" Sei remembered the game and moved a knight.

Folken smirked. "It took you long enough." He moved a bishop.

"You're so fascinating I overlooked it. What can I say? Quite the charmer." He moved a pawn.

"I didn't realize you had a sense of humor, Sei."

"Oh?"

"Must've overlooked that."

"And I didn't think you had any appreciation for humour. But what makes you think I was joking?"

"Oh? You weren't?"

"That is something only I will know." Actually, even Sei himself was not certain if his words had been serious or in jest.

Folken was surprised. "Ah...I see. Well, honestly, when people talk like that, they sound sarcastic. And I've heard more than enough sarcasm from Dilandau to be an expert on it."

"He doesn't know how else to be." Sei couldn't help but defend the youth.

"No, he doesn't. I didn't say there was anything wrong with his sarcasm."

"Ah. Just pointing it out. But I do enjoy your conversation."

"You do? Good." He moved a rook to capture one of Sei's knights. "I would hate to think I was forcing unwanted company upon you."

"You have never done such a thing. Your visits brighten my day, even if you make me feel so useless sometimes."

"Well, thank you for sharing the knowledge. I do enjoy the conversation and the tea. Though I must admit that neither of us ever seems to be interested in our chess game." He smiled a bit.

Sei also smiled. "It is just a distraction if we become uncomfortable."

"Ah...Because we hate each other, right?"

Sei was baffled by Folken's apparent conviction that they had such severe animosity. Baffled and hurt. "Do you hate me?"

"No, Sei."

Sei rose. "And I do not hate you, as I keep saying."

"I was just about to ask you if you were ever planning on making some tea..."

"That is just what I was thinking." Sei brought the tea to the table.

"You'll have to show me how to make it some time."

Sei smiled.

"I feel somewhat foolish that I can follow complicated scientific formulas, but can't, for some reason, make a simple cup of tea."

"It's just because you're not used to it. It's a skill not many bother with."

Folken still felt a bit odd that he hadn't been able to master it. _I'm a genius, right? It's ludicrous! I can't even make tea._

"It's a different type of tea than you might brew on your own, anyhow. It doesn't steep the same length of time."

"I see."

"Perhaps next time I make it, you would like me to walk you through it."

Folken sipped the tea. It worked its calming magic, as usual. This was like giving him crack. His eyes were shut and he looked absolutely peaceful.

Sei watched; he was always surprised and mesmerized by this moment when Folken was not so hopeless and hurting.

Folken was in his happy place. He completely forgot Sei, Emperor Dornkirk, Dilandau, and those damned Dragon Slayers.

Sei sipped the tea as well, not wanting to disrupt the moment.

Folken opened his eyes after a minute or two, glancing at Sei and smiling a bit. "I apologize for holding up the conversation. I haven't had the best of days."

Sei smiled. "You looked serene; I didn't want to disrupt that."

"Thank you." He took another sip and set the cup down. "Have you ever studied how quickly rumors spread around here?"

"I don't get out enough to do so."

"It keeps everyone on the edge, trying to put off the right impression to everyone else. Then you are lucky enough not to have a reputation."

"Oh? You hear no rumors of me? That is a surprise."

"No. When not in the medical field, one does not hear of individual doctors. Likewise, no one hears of the individual sorcerers."

"Ah. But I am not just a doctor; I am the doctor that Dilandau lives with. That is why I am surprised."

"What makes you think anyone really knows where he is? I didn't exactly advertise it. He disappears; no one knows where he goes. That's why no one knows that the sorcerers work on him."

"Yes...but his men know where he is. I don't think they are very fond of me." Sei smiled wryly.

"I doubt they dislike you anymore than they hate me." Folken smiled a bit. "You are the lesser of two evils."

"Ah. But they think I have bewitched him to get him willing to stay."

"They are a group prone to delusion and misunderstanding. They aren't allowed to know anything and the mind always attempts to find a conclusion."

"This is very true. You and I make quite the match...probably the two most hated people on the Vione."

Folken laughed. "Yes, I suppose so."

Sei also chuckled.

"The hated should stick together."

"Perhaps." _But how close?_ He continued speaking, his voice quieter. "I wonder if Dilandau could ever learn not to hate you..."

"That depends. Do you think he could learn not to try and kill everyone he meets?"

"He doesn't try to kill me."

"I was exaggerating, Sei."

"I know."

"Our relationship is too far gone. He does not give up grudges. And considering everything he feels I've done to him, I doubt he'd ever stop hating me."

"Why does no one in Zaibach think that people can change?" It seemed a little odd that Zaibach would find anything static, considering that they were so loving of progress.

"Because they never do."

"I know that is not true."

"No, it's not." The jaded young man sighed.

"Then why do you say it?"

"Because it is a common expression here."

"Ah. And easier to believe?"

"Yes, sometimes."

"What is so frightening about change?"

Folken stared down at the chess board. "It's not change in itself, I think. It is rather what things can change into."

"Oh?"

"The negative side of life."

"But things later change for the better."

"We like things to remain as they are when they are positive and to change them when they are negative. No one ever wants to go from better to worse, Sei."

"I know..." He sighed.

Folken sipped tea.

"But not everyone tried to go from bad to worse."

"They didn't have to try. It just happened." He seemed more calm. He seemed more like he was when he first talked to Sei. 

"I meant you."

"What do you mean? Of course I didn't try to change my life for the worse. But it happened as Fate commanded."

"And Fate told you to let yourself curl up and die?"

_If you felt something like getting your arm ripped off by a dragon ruined your life and you obsessed over it, what would be the one thing you wanted? To change that thing that happened._ While these were Folken's thoughts, he was not about to share them. "I was ready to die then. I wanted to die then."

"But he saved you..."

"Yes, he did. And I am grateful for it, much as so many people think I am not."

"Did you ever think that might mean that Fate does not want you to die yet?"

"It will have me die when my time is come. Fate uncontrolled is something inescapable." Folken was reciting his beliefs like algorithms.

"Partly. But partly people create it. You might be changing many great things by letting yourself die."

"Such as?"

Sei sipped his tea. "I don't know. Perhaps making sure the sorcerers do not harm any more children."

And suddenly the calm was gone again. He looked grated. "I can't do anything about that. Those experiments are necessary."

"Are they? How many of them succeed?"

"Yes." At the second question, Folken was silent. He sipped his tea for several minutes, remaining quiet.

Sei rose to pace the room. After he had paced for a time, he spoke. "You know I have a point."

Folken maintained his silence.

Sei stopped pacing, standing near Folken, but with his back to him. "I don't know why I won't let myself stop trying with you..."

"Oh? Feel like giving up, Sei?" A part of him felt bad for Sei wanting to give up. They were both the same in that respect. Wanting to give up, but unable to...How sad.

"I can't. I don't want to...I just want to...I don't know..."

"You're confused. Sit down."

"Why?"

"You'll feel better."

"Right..." He clearly didn't believe it, but sat anyhow.

"Why do you want to give up?"

"I want to know why I won't let myself give up. I want...to know that you actually hear what I say."

"I hear what you say. Just because I don't agree doesn't mean I don't hear. I'm not deaf." _Not like the Emperor._

"There's a difference between hearing and listening." Sei was sounding almost more like Folken than like himself.

"I listen to what you say. How could I argue if I didn't hear it in the first place?"

"But do my words mean anything, or stay merely words?"

"They mean much to me, Sei." For once Folken stared him straight in the eyes. "I do appreciate what you're trying to convince me of." He sat back in the chair and drank more tea. "I'm just more realistic than you are, that's all."

"Ah...realistic. For letting and helping someone try to create a world where everything and everyone is nothing but mechanics."

"Would that honestly be so terrible?"

"It's killing you, so I'd say yes. And honestly, if you take the heart out of people, they will eventually die too. Just not as fast as a Draconian."

"How do you know that? There will be a chance for happiness once the war is over. Even if it isn't there for me."

"Happiness in what?" Tears were starting to come to his eyes, but not too noticeably.

"In living freely." Folken took a cloth from his pocket and handed it to Sei.

Sei took it, looking puzzled as he blinked back his tears. "What's this for?"

"I've seen plenty of people cry in my lifetime to see the signs. Let me ask you this."

"I'm sorry. I'm not going to cry..."

"Take it anyway. If you had not suffered the things you did, no painful memories caused by war, would you still be as sad as you are?"

S kept it, twisting the cloth in his hands. "No, but everyone has painful memories. People like…or, rather, need pain to appreciate the happiness. And they need meaning."

"That cannot be proven true."

"Or untrue. But sometimes one can feel a truth. And I feel that one."

"Your feelings can't be proven true either."

"Perhaps not, but I know them anyhow."

"Fine. You know them. I do not." He sipped tea. "I only know what I've seen proven."

Sei also sipped his tea.

"I can hold to that, and that is why I choose to believe the things I do."

"Or because you're afraid of hope."

"Hope in things that will most likely fall apart is very detrimental to the psyche."

"Despair is more detrimental to it."

"Despair can easily be warded off. Hope drives men insane."

"You haven't warded off your despair and many a worse thing than hope has driven a man insane."

Folken shut his eyes, weary of the world for now. "I'm tired of hoping for something better."

"Maybe you hope for the wrong thing."

"I hope for a better world and that is the only thing I can hope for without misery attached to it."

Sei brought the kerchief to his eyes.

Folken rose from the table, intending to leave again. "You should know better than to hope. This is a perfect example of why I don't hold much of it. You hope for me to change. Your hope goes unfulfilled. You are now close to tears. I rest my case."

"Perhaps. But if I did not have that hope, I would have been crying a long time ago."

Folken blinked, choosing not to remark upon the shock that statement gave him. "I must be off now."

"Good day then."

"Good day to you. Enjoy the box." He left.

A whisper followed him out of the room.

"I shall."


	6. The Reversal

"In a cup of Tea"

by Shelly Webster and Arsen Dalavaccio

Disclaimer: We don't own Escaflowne. There's also a quote from The Princess Bride, which we also do not own.

A/N: Oh. I suppose some of you are wondering about Sei. Sei is in his mid-forties. Heh…Flowers are people too! Oh! Just a quick plug! Folken refers to his journal here. Arsen is posting it as a story called "I see Said the Blind Man" under the author's name Lady Thompson. Anyhow, it's very good and well-written. Kudos to D. Oh! Most vitally, we must invite you to our Escaflowne forum. We have a nice RPG going which we're sort of restarting, meaning most characters are up for grabs. The link is listed as my homepage in my bio.

Shout-outs:

Sakura Shinguji-Albatou: We...the philosophy isn't present so much always. But enjoy this chapter.

Chapter 6

The Reversal

Folken walked back into the infirmary. "Have you had enough time alone?"

"You were the one wanting to be alone." The older man snuck the kerchief into his pocket. The dark blue square had stayed in his hand the entire time Folken was gone.

"You were the one crying."

"I did not ask you to leave."

"You didn't have to."

Sei changed the subject. "I read some of your stories. Do you write anymore, other than for files and reports?"

"No. Well...I do keep the journal."

"A journal? Of what?"

"Of my experiences and observances."

"That sounds interesting."

"Quite." Folken's tone showed this wasn't open for discussion.

"Would you like me to show you how to make tea now?"

"Yes, I would . Would you care to show me how to make tea?"

"Come to the kitchen area." Sei raised the cover off the stove.

Folken approached, a pen and notepad in his hands.

"You don't want it too hot." The doctor set the heat at a midrange, filled the teakettle with water and set it on the burner. They stood in silence for a moment waiting for the kettle to heat. The water boiled, so Sei poured some into the pot. "You have to heat the pot before you use it, otherwise the tea isn't as good or strong."

Folken took notes on what Sei did.

Sei swirled the water then dumped it in the sink. "Then you refill it." He did so, got out his tea strainer and filled it loosely with the tea leaves. "Don't pack it too loose or there's not enough to flavour the water, but too much and the flavour can't get out into the water." He placed the strainer in the tea. "Then you let it steep for about 3 minutes, usually." The three minutes passed in silence. Sei removed the strainer. "You put the milk in the cups before the tea, or the milk gets scalded." Sei did so. "And then the sugar, and it's ready."

Folken, being quick about taking notes, had time to make sketches as well. "Easy enough."

The physician handed Folken a cup of tea. Sei sipped the tea.

Folken drank the tea and slipped into his instant reverie.

Sei watched, faintly smiling. _At least I can give him this._

Folken set the tea down at the table before taking his chair.

Sei sat as well.

Folken went over his notes. He laid them down on the table one by one, which afforded Sei a chance to see them and the lovely pictures.

"I didn't know you could draw so well, especially so casually."

"I draw accurately." He took out a sheet of paper. He drew a picture of Sei. A very detailed sketch. He handed it back to Sei. He then drew a portrait of the two. He drew one where Dilandau was lying on a hospital cot, asleep and Sei was sitting next to him, hunched over.

Sei smiled and looked at the sketches. "Most artists try to hide the flaws of the people they draw. You didn't."

"I see no need to hide the flaws of others. They know them already, so what would be the point?" He idly sketched a flower.

"This is true. It's mainly vanity that causes people to hide flaws, but it rarely works. I like your drawings."

"As far as I know, it is protection to hide flaws."

"Not all flaws."

"And what flaws would those be?"

"Appearance. If I tried to hide my age, you would not think me younger, would you?"

"I would know better. I know you're an old, old, _old_ man." He smirked.

Sei frowned. "Not that old." He was in his mid-forties, his hair barely beginning to turn grey.

"If you were a soldier, you'd have switched to instructing people like me by now."

"I'm not a soldier."

"No, you're not. Neither am I." Folken stared at his arm. 

"I'm perhaps twice your age, and you're rather young." The doctor could say this, but he was not convincing even himself that their age-gap wasn't too large.

"Yes." He contemplated what might have been.

"So I am not old old _old. A_nd stop thinking you are."

"I don't think I'm old!"

"Oh?"

"If I were old, I'd be decrepit."

"Who else dies but the old?"

"The young."

Sei didn't smile at the smart-ass reply. "Those who have lived enough, you might say. Which is age. Age is more than the physical."

"In that respect, I'm quite old."

"So you think. But you shouldn't be older than I am."

"If we are talking in terms of mental age, I could be."

"Perhaps, but not by much."

A moment of silence followed in which Sei looked at the diagrams in the notes. "Making tea isn't an exact science; that might be where your trouble is coming from."

"Oh? Perhaps."

"You drew the angles I used. That's not necessary."

I know that. I like angles." He drew a few more out.

"Ah. Were you ever interested in architecture?"

"No, not really. I don't care for building structures."

"Ah. I'm surprised. With all the art and the angles in building..." Sei didn't really know what else to say on it.

"Yes. But there is no art in the buildings of Zaibach."

"I know. You _have_ seen other buildings."

"I have. The buildings of Fanelia were quite beautiful."

"Were..." Sei's voice was a whisper. He sipped his tea. After a moment, he spoke again, louder. "You're quiet today."

"I have much on my mind, as always." Folken sipped the tea.

"Such as...?"

He looked over at Sei. "It is none of your concern."

"Ah." Not ready to push it, Sei sipped his tea instead.

"You've…" He sighed, deciding against sharing his thought, instead sipping the drink some more.

"Hmm?" Sei raised his eyebrows, signaling that Folken was going to have to say something.

"Where have you been, besides Daedalus and Zaibach?"

"I was trained for a time in Asturia, but that's about it. I never was interested in traveling."

"Never? Well, have you ever seen the mountains, perchance? Gotten lost in the woods? You said you were in Asturia. Did you see the ocean?"

"Not very lost, but I have been in woods. I have seen the ocean, though I prefer lakes."

"Lakes are beautiful." Folken seemed a bit awkward at discussing something so completely unrelated to anything Zaibach. But he did miss it, miss nature. He just wanted to hear about things like that. He rarely left the ships nowadays, even when he was given time for leave.

"Yes. I grew up on a lake. My father and his father were fishers. There were woods nearby, but with many clearings."

"You must've enjoyed yourself there."

Sei smiled a tad wistfully. "I did. Though my mother always said she was surprised I didn't drown, I swam so much."

"I've never swum before, myself."

"Really? That's unfortunate." Sei wished he could share such a free, natural activity with Folken, but the Vione was not equipped and he doubted Folken would attempt it if it meant leaving the airship.

"Never really had the time."

"It's very calming."

"When I was younger, if I had free time, I was always running about in the woods with my brother. Or just playing around near the palace." Folken smiled sadly, remembering his brother.

"Did you ever help tend the gardens? I'm just wondering how you got interested in botany."

"There were many beastmen in our woods and in Fanelia. I used to enjoy talking with them. They taught me what I know. The catgirls were particularly kind to me." His mother would tease about their kindness, but he usually just shrugged her confusing comments off.

"Ah. Grandmother always said the beastpeople are very intelligent. Sadly, none lived near us."

"They were easier to talk to than any of the 'humans,' that's for certain. They knew what it was like to be considered different." He bowed his head. Folken's biracial status was not something he had discussed deeply with Sei.

Sei put a hand on his shoulder.

Folken always tried to not let the hatred get to him. But something in him still wanted to yell, 'Why the hell do they all hate _me_!' Because of that discrimination, he had grown to believe that everyone would hate him anyway. So he didn't try to be kind anymore as time wore on.

"Did no one else try to see the person behind the wings?"

"My family...the beastmen. That's it."

"I am sorry. No wonder you have kept to yourself."

"They always said that to be a Draconian is to be cursed. That certainly was a self-fulfilling prophecy."

"They also say that beastpeople are, well, beasts. Cruel and violent."

"Which is not true. Mankind has always been known for its excessive violence. It isn't necessary. I want nothing more than to end it." He sounded firmly resolute.

Sei's answer was also firm. "I do not believe mankind wants to remove the violence. I do not believe it will happen."

Folken shut his eyes. "They will." He laughed. "Oh, so now you're the one without hope?"

"We have different hopes. Yours are so high that they mean nothing."

"Hmph. And a short while ago, you were crying because you would've given anything if I had _some_ form of hope."

"Different hopes. I meant the kind of hope that gives you the will to live."

Folken was left speechless once more. He hated how Sei was the only one who seemed to make the words he was so skilled with vanish completely.

"You never lacked the hope that man will no longer be violent. But it's not enough."

"I don't want the hope to live, Sei. I don't want it."

Sei's sorrow clearly showed on his face in the moment before he put his head in his hands.

Folken leaned his forehead against his metal arm.

"What's wrong with living?"

"What isn't?"

Sei sighed. "...What do I have to say to get you to even think about any alternative?"

"I have no idea." He laughed again. "If you could tell me that everything was going to be alright for a change and back it up with proof, then I might."

Sei frowned. It seemed that was all he had been doing with Folken. "You don't seem to take any proof I ever offer."

"That's because it isn't absolute, therefore it cannot be trusted."

"Nothing is absolute." His hands dropped onto the table. "You've been in science for too long."

"I have not."

"Do you have proof?" He smiled, glad he had a chance to turn that idea against the Strategos.

Folken was not giving an answer. Sei sipped the tea as he waited for an answer or admission that Folken had been blanketing too much.

"Why would I need proof for that? You're the one who needs to learn to offer it." He knew that he wasn't being fair about it, but didn't care at the moment.

"You can't have it both ways. Either we both need proof, or neither needs it."

"Oh, be quiet!"

Sei smiled at the other man's snap, sipping his tea. The look on his face was almost more annoying than anything he could be saying.

Folken stared at him. He leaned in very close to the doctor, almost touching his face. "Don't be so smug."

Sei just barely smirked, not being accustomed to doing so. He still said nothing.

"_I_ don't have to offer proof because _I_ am in charge."

Sei leaned forward a tiny bit, not having much room to do so. "Oh really? I don't think so." Sei wasn't sure if either of them could make such a claim, because he wasn't certain he was even in charge of his own actions still.

"Well, I don't care if you don't think so. Because that's the way it is." Folken did realize how foolish his arguments were now, but didn't care. He was just fooling around now. He leaned back in his chair, sipping tea.

Sei also leaned back, knowing Folken knew he hadn't won that.

Folken glanced over at him a few times, wanting to start another argument.

Sei raised an eyebrows inquiringly.

The taller man took a sip. He then turned to Sei again. "I've got a question for you. A good one. You ready?"

"As always." Sei took another sip of his tea.

"Love. What do you really think of it?" He stared at the older man. He looked very determined.

Sei's expression showed nothing but surprise. "Love?"

"Yes." He smirked. "We might as well discuss something neither of us knows anything about. That'll make us equal." He was as perky as he could be, though few people would guess it from looking.

Sei smiled. "As you wish." He took a moment to try to find a good thought on love to start with. "Love...It is something not many are lucky enough to find, but I do believe in it."

Folken sipped his herbal drink. "Oh really? And you haven't been lucky enough to find it."

"Yes. Don't you believe in it?"

"Me? Not particularly. I think it is a wonderful dream. Nothing more."

"What about your parents?"

"What about them?"

"You said that from what you saw, they were in love."

"From what I saw, yes."

"How do you define love? That might be a good place to start."

"Love is an emotion which binds one person to another, at minimum. Given the right circumstances, it can cause great problems which may or may not conflict with certain loyalties." The Strategos basically quoted the Zaibach Standard Dictionary's definition to the term.

"I disagree." Sei shook his head.

"Do you?" Folken was anything but surprised.

"It is a new loyalty, yes, but a loving relationship is hard to develop if loyalties are crossed."

"And loyalty is always a difficult thing to keep within one's control."

"Is it?"

"Of course. It is difficult to stay with one thing or another."

"Says you, who have served Zaibach how long now?"

"Ten years."

"Was that difficult, or are you going to tell me that this is different?"

"What do you mean?"

"To stay with Zaibach that long, was it difficult?"

Folken used the corners of his eyes to look away from Sei. He sipped more tea. "In what way?" He decided to try another arguing technique.

"You were loyal and devoted for 10 years. You seem to have had that very well in control."

"Yes, I suppose I did." Lies were easier than admissions of one's failings.

"Never mind... I believe we were talking about what love is...It's caring about someone, even if it hurts, caring even when they make you cry; wanting to know them and all about them." He didn't realize he had described how he behaves with Folken.

Folken smirked. He had the realization which had not hit Sei. "Interesting description. "Is that a tell-tale sign, would you say? Someone who displays that sort of behavior...would you say they are, most likely, in love?"

"Most likely, yes. One doesn't care about enemies like that." He sipped his tea peacefully, unaware of the path he was trotting down.

Folken laughed openly, smiling more than usual.

"What is so amusing?" He still sipped the tea.

Folken leaned close to him like before. "Do you have something you need to tell me?"

Sei half-choked on the tea. "I beg your pardon?"

"You did say someone is in love whenever they act like that, right?"

"Most likely, yes."

The Strategos grinned, a smirking, satisfied look in his eyes. "Sei, might I ask you to try and describe how you've been dealing with me for these past few days? With my 'stubbornness' as you call it."

The physician blushed, covering his face with his hands. "I said most likely. It does not always mean the person is in love."

"Of course not. But...are you? Perchance?"

Sei's answer was carefully worded. "I _care_ about you. I'm too old for love."

Folken nodded. "Of course." The smirk did not leave his face, even as he sat back in his chair, sipping tea.

"And you ask because why?"

Folken blinked. "Mere curiosity." He returned to sipping his tea without making eye-contact.

"Ah." The doctor sipped his tea, trying not to hope or assume. "Curiosity? Why?"

The philosophical man stopped smiling so much. "Because I am a naturally curious person."

Sei raised his eyebrows. "Somehow I think that's not entirely it."

Folken stopped smiling entirely, his eyes growing wide. "Oh, now... Wait a minute! Are you suggesting I asked because I was hoping for a certain answer?"

Sei coughed. "Just commenting that you don't seem overly curious about things like this generally. But now that you mention it, were you? Would it make any difference if someone were in love with you?"

"I..." Well, seeing as he'd felt himself hated his whole life, he would like to hear that someone didn't for a change. And love is the complete opposite of it.

Sei knew the truth that Folken was thinking. He leaned forward. "Is that what you want, to find love?"

Folken backed away into the chair. "I don't know."

Sei leaned in a little closer. "Ah."

Folken stared at him. There was a bit of lost in his eyes.

Sei stayed there for a moment, bare inches from Folken, looking at his face and in his reddish-brown eyes.

Folken couldn't look away. He was surprised Sei was brave enough to do that.

Sei finally sat back. "Now, what were we talking about?" Outwardly, he was perfectly calm, almost like how Folken usually was.

Folken would like very much to blink, but he still couldn't, so shocked was he at Sei's behavior and their role-reversal.

Sei sipped his tea again. "What? You can't think you're the only one who gets to do things like that."

He slowly looks over at Sei, his eyes shifting from where Sei had been moments before. He then shook his head, blinking rapidly several times, and drank the rest of his tea.

Sei smiled and sipped his own tea.

He stared back over at Sei.

Sei raised his eyebrows.

Folken blinked, remaining at a complete and utter loss for words. It wasn't so much what Sei did as what he was saying while he did it. He mulled it over in his head. _Love..._ He'd never considered it. Not that kind, anyway.

"But you don't believe in love, do you?"

"Do I...I never said I didn't. I said I didn't know..." He looked very confused. Folken glanced over at Sei out of the corner of his eyes.

"And?"

As per his usual behavior, the younger man rose from the table and walked out the door. Folken hurried to his quarters. He leaned against a wall. _What the hell am I doing!_

Back in the infirmary, Sei rested his head back in his hands. _What the hell was going on!_ Even if he had known that Folken was thinking basically the same thing, he would not have been reassured.

Folken let his head land against the wall with a thunk. _Love...why did I bring that topic up? I don't know anything about love! _ He squeezed his eyes shut, but could not block out the chaotic thoughts he needed to sort on the matter. He thought about it for hours. _But Sei suggested… _He pondered for a moment. He had never considered it, but... He was so lonely, wasn't he? Wasn't that something that bothered him to no end? And he'd been going to Sei so often...compelled to go see him... He didn't know if he was in love with Sei or not, but..well...there was no one on the Vione that he could possibly get close to like that.

Back in the infirmary, Sei had no idea that his words had actually provoked deep thought on Folken's part. Instead, he focused on his own confusion. _He'll probably never come back now...Gaea! What was I even saying? Why_? Sei did feel this bond, this connection to Folken, but love? He had never considered other men really as prospects, let alone someone like Folken. _But then, there really isn't anyone like him… _Sei blinked. Thoughts like that were not a good sign when he knew he had just driven the subject of them out of his life forever.


	7. The Lightswitch

"What one Sees in a cup of Tea"

by Shelly Webster and Arsen Dalavaccio

Disclaimer: Well…I was in the mental hospital for thinking I owned Escaflowne, but then they convinced me I was wrong.

A/N: whimpers I hate my muses. Now I will never hear the term lightswitch again and think innocent thoughts.

Shout-outs:

Sakura Shinguji-Albatou: Much love to you. Sorry for the delay, but things have gotten more, not less, crazy around here. Anyhow, enjoy the Sei. We're flattered you want this in the C2, even if it can't be there. I'm more of a chai gal, but Earl Grey is a classic. Umm…oh, and if Sei and Folken ever are drawn by you, link me? Please?

Strangedream: Tea is a serious art. The British are so serious about it. It makes me giggle. And yes, love. smirk

Chapter 7

The Lightswitch.

After another hour of deliberation, Folken decided to go pay Sei a visit. Shortly thereafter, Sei heard a quiet knock at the door.

He hadn't moved other than to get more tea. He looked up, still too much shock to get up. "Come in."

The Strategos moved to his favorite spot and sat down. He still looked dazed. He continually glanced at Sei out of the corners of his eyes.

"Tea?" Sei waved at the cup, still where it was left on the table.

Folken nodded and took a sip. The older man kept glancing at him, looking away when he saw Folken looking back.

"You know..."

"Hmm?" He looked at Folken properly again.

Folken scratched the back of his head. "No one ever argues with me like you do, except for Dilandau. And he's never won before."

"Oh?"

"...yes..."

"Is that good or bad?"

The younger man smiled a bit. "I'm not sure. It's different. More interesting than winning all the time, of course."

"Ah." Sei raised his eyebrows at the vague explanation. "Glad to be of service."

Folken smiled, laughing and shaking his head. "So...you really do care? I'm still surprised that I bother you so much..."

"You would question if I care? I do care about you. But bother me?"

"I mean what you view as my problems. I'm surprised you're so bothered by them."

"Someone has to worry about you," the doctor pointed out.

The stern man smiled, looked over at him. "Would you like to be that someone?"

"How do you mean?"

Folken smiled, leaning in close. "What do you think I mean?" He was as close as he could be without touching.

"Do you mean this, or is this just a challenge?"

"What do you think? I mean it, Sei." For once, he sounded quite sincere.

"Do you believe in love, then?"

"I don't know. I suppose so."

Folken's smile was quite cute, quite endearing, in Sei's opinion. He leaned in the small space between them, kissing him.

Slowly, but gradually, the shock that Sei actually liked him back wore off of Folken.

Somewhere in Sei's head, the thought _What are you doing!_ floated around, but he ignored it for the moment.

Folken, for once, wasn't exactly thinking about anything. He deepened the kiss and gently caressed the side of Sei's face.

Sei leaned into the touch, which almost tickled.

Folken pulled away for a moment, looking at Sei.

Sei looked away, what he had done finally hitting him.

Folken blinked, shook his head. This was a strange turn of events. He sat back in his chair, not looking at Sei. He looked at the floor instead. "I..."

Sei also sat back, looking into his cup. Maybe the tea would give him answers, or something he could offer to the young man to explain his actions.

"...what did you say your feelings on love were again?"

Sei looked up from the tea. His voice didn't seem to want to work. "Urm...There are few lucky enough to find it..."

"We are an unusual pair, would you agree?"

"Perhaps."

Folken nodded and glanced at a clock. "It's...getting late."

The remark clicked. Sei remembered Dilandau's presence and looked to his cot; thankfully, he was sleeping. "It is."

With this present turn of events, Folken had forgotten his fatigue.

Sei blinked hard, hiding a yawn; it had been a long, stressful day.

Folken drank some more of that tea. He leaned against his arm, looking a tad sleepy.

"We should probably get to bed..."

Folken nodded, but didn't move.

Kicking Folken out was the last thing on the list of things Sei would hate to do, but this was definitely going to be awkward.

The Strategos didn't want to leave the infirmary to another cold, lonely night in his quarters.

Sei made an offer, somewhat timidly. "There are beds here, if you don't want to walk back to your quarters."

"Oh...thank you." Folken smiled, quite relieved Sei asked, pleased as Sei smiled back. He took off his cloak and set it on the chair neatly.

Sei turned away and crossed to his cot, getting out his pajamas. He wasn't going to let himself watch Folken undress.

Folken began taking off his toga as well, carefully laying it out on the same chair his cloak rested upon.

Sei pulled off his tunic and shirt, then sat on the cot to remove his boots; he snuck a glance at Folken. He pulled on the loose gray blouse he used as pajamas, switched his trousers, and pulled down the covers.

Folken stripped down to his boxer shorts. He then walked over to one of the empty cots, sheet tucked tight around it in hospital corners.

The older man got into bed, laid down. "Goodnight."

"Goodnight, Sei." Before laying in his own bed, he walked over to Sei's. He leaned over him.

Sei leaned in, closer as Folken put his hands on his shoulders, leaned in and gave him a kiss. He kissed back, placing a hand on Folken's real hand, though it was an awkward angle for his arm. Their mouths opened, the kiss deepening.

Folken sat down on the bed, scooting closer to Sei. Sei scooted over enough so Folken was in no risk of falling; his free hand traveled around Folken's waist, feeling his warm back, his realness, and keeping him close and steady.

Folken slid one hand behind Sei's neck, pulling him closer. Sei leaned in, needing little encouragement.

A part of him knew he had never really thought he would be involved with another man, but he had always felt love to be beyond that. His tongue darted to Folken's lips, not going on.

Folken parted his lips, opening his mouth ever so slightly. His tongue lightly caressed Sei's.

Sei was shocked by how good this feels; his tongue teased Folken's in response.

Folken slid his other hand beneath Sei's back, pulling his body closer.

The older man ran both hands up Folken's bare back. He opened his mouth wider. Meanwhile, Folken attempted to help Sei out of his shirt.

Sei wasn't sure they were ready for that so soon, but Folken wasn't really thinking much about what he was doing, just going with it.

The other man tensed for a moment, then decided this was ok; but no farther yet.

Folken proceeded to try unbuttoning Sei's shirt.

Sei let Folken unfasten it, running his hands up and down his sides; he could feel Folken's ribs, and his muscles.

Folken finished removing the shirt and cast it onto the ground.

Sei's hands returned to Folken's back, one stroking his hair.

Folken rubbed his hand up and down Sei's back, slowly, in a calm repeating motion. He moved his mouth down to Sei's neck, licking it.

Sei moans; this felt really good

He moves down lower, to Sei's chest.

Sei's fingers traced out patterns on Folken's back.

Unbeknownst to either, Dilandau was stirring across the room, the light and unpleasant dreams finally troubling him too much.

Dilandau was surprised to hear something going on in the room; he did not yet open his eyes. An enemy would underestimate him if he thought Dilandau was asleep.

Folken began tonguing Sei's neck again, wishing to hear him make that lovely sound again. He succeeded, the low moan sounding louder because the room was quiet; their movements caused the cot to creak.

Dil sat up, his eyes open now. "Are you ok, Sei?" He looked to Sei's cot, eyes still not entirely clear of sleep.

Stunned, Folken stopped mid-lick. "We forgot about him…"

Sei groaned, scooted back. "Yeah..."

"What the hell! What's he doing here and why is he in your bed?"

Folken's eyes shut tightly together.

"Errr..." Sei pulled away from Folken completely. "He's staying here tonight."

Folken looked at the wall in front of him, not saying a word.

Sei was not ashamed of the relationship, but death by Dilandau for either one of them didn't sound like a pleasant way to start it. He hoped Folken would understand this.

Folken tried to help. "You should go back to bed."

"Not until I know why you're here." Carmine eyes flashed with anger; he hated secrets.

Folken stared at him. "Why do you think I'm here? Getting a full physical, of course." He looked away. It was hard to tell if he was joking or seriously trying to get Dilandau to believe that.

"You mean you're here to make my life miserable. You don't get physicals in the middle of the night anyhow." Dilandau was almost pouting.

"It's...erm...an evaluation." Sei was making this up as he went.

"Of endurance."

"He's staying here to better evaluate me."

"Yes."

"And he wanted to see if the lightswitch is similar to his own." The lightswitch was within Sei's reach from in bed.

"Yes, of course." Folken reached over and flipped it on, then off. "I think I'll need a screwdriver. I want to study this."

Off then on, the lights flickered once more as Folken rose to look for a screwdriver.

"Not tonight..." Sei groaned.

"Can't you just tell him to leave?" Dilandau pled.

Folken busily looked for a screwdriver. He was just a tad annoyed. And slightly jealous. Dilandau got to be with Sei for an honest reason.

"I don't think that would make for a good evaluation...Can we all just go to bed?"

Folken was just here because he's a traitorous bastard with no honor. He slammed drawers out of anger.

Sei looked concerned; he got up and crossed to Folken. Dilandau narrowed his eyes, watching

Sei knew Dilandau would watch, try to listen, so he whispered. "What's wrong?"

Folken glared at one drawer. He didn't answer Sei. "Just make him go to bed."

"We'll talk tomorrow, ok?" Sei touched his arm briefly. "Dilandau, can we get back to sleep? I'm tired."

Folken left the drawer and laid down on one of the cots.

"Whatever." The albino grumbled, but laid back down as well.

Sei turned out the lights again. Folken had his back turned to Sei now. "Goodnight Dilandau." His voice dropped. "Goodnight, my amoroso."

Folken didn't look over, but he did hear that word.

Amazingly enough, Dilandau didn't hear. He was too busy plotting how to get Folken to leave.

Folken waited a minute after Dilandau laid back down to make his way over to Sei's cot.

Dilandau snored softly.

"Sei!"

"Yes?"

Folken sat down next to him. "How on Gaea is this going to work with him right there all the time?"

Sei sighed. "I don't know...maybe I could suggest that he move to quarantine so he has more privacy or something."

Folken nodded. "We could go there now. If you wanted to...anyway..."

"Ok, but this is new, just remember that."

When Folken nodded, Sei took his hand. Folken smiled and dragged him off to quarantine.

"Shh!" Sei unlocked the door, holding it open for Folken.

The taller man walked in first. He then pulled Sei in quickly behind him and shut the door.

Sei locked it. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be." Folken obviously didn't want to talk about it now. "It's not your fault. You're a doctor. He's your patient." Folken couldn't really complain about this as it was his fault Dilandau was in the infirmary in the first place.

"The middle of the night isn't the best time to talk to him..."

"No, it's not." He put an arm around Sei's waist and pulled him close. "I'm not angry with you, Sei."

"Ok; good." He put a hand to Folken's cheek. He stroked it, then specifically stroked his tattoo.

Folken's face faulted at that. What with everything else Sei disliked about him, he was certain to dislike the tattoos.

Sei smiled softly. "It's a sad one."

"It is meant to be." He let go of Sei and sat down on the floor.

Sei sat beside him, but Folken looked away.

"I can't help who or what I am, Sei. You're going to have to accept the fact that I'm unhappy."

"I know. But that doesn't mean I should want you to be unhappy." Sei reached for his hand.

"You shouldn't obsess over it either." Possibly he was talking to himself at this point. He shut his eyes and leaned against Sei's shoulder.

Sei kissed his cheek, felt Folken snuggle up against him. He sighed, contentedly this time.

Folken put his arms around Sei, embracing him tightly. Sei's arms clasped snugly around him, trying to anchor him somehow. _What have I done, getting involved with someone who wants to die?  
_

Folken quickly fell asleep, feeling very at peace.

As he realized Folken was sleeping, Sei struggled to get him into a bed, deciding that it would have to be one in quarantine. He kissed his sleeping love and went back to bed, leaving the door open.


End file.
